Where Every Girl Had Her Own Mountain

The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago
Turned around backward so the windshield shows
Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse
Still it's so much clearer
I forgot my shirt at the water's edge
The moon is low tonight...
You, I thought I knew you
You, I cannot judge
You, I thought you knew me
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath
The photograph reflects
Every streetlight a reminder
Nightswimming deserves a quiet night
- REM

2 days...

Can You Tell It's a St. Lawrence-Themed Weekend?

Me (listening to "Dancing in the Dark"): Would you still be able to date me if I told you this was my favorite song in the entire world?
Mike: Yes. (Rolls eyes.)
Me (five minutes later, as "Summer of '69" starts): Unless this is my favorite song in the entire world. Would you still respect me if this was my favorite song in the entire world?
Mike: ...

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Friday, May 9, 2003 (9:23 PM)

I'm done.

I wrote the 15 pager, I finished the late critical paper and dropped it off in Piskor. Half an hour ago I uploaded my final piece of work, my webpage for my soc. class. I blinked at the computer screen. Didn't know quite what to do with myself. When I went to log off, my breath actually caught.

"Log off stolcs37?"

I stared at the prompt. Is it really over? There must be something I've forgotten: a meeting, a response paper to dash off, an e-mail. It just can't be over.

But there is nothing.

I log off and stand up, slinging my red bag over my shoulder, knowing very well that I will not be back.

I walk upstairs, slowly, past my couch at the top of the stairs under the bronze plaque, my couch where I would sit and watch people walk through the revolving doors. I walk down the wall by Richardson, past the study tables, seeing reflections of myself everywhere in the picture windows that run floor to ceiling there. Past the hidden couch by the window in the back, where I would go if I wanted to hide and write, past the huge window that looks out on Herring Cole and the tree-lined walk.

I circle the second floor and head for the stairs. I sink down onto my couch and pull my knees to my chest like a little kid. Oh there are ghosts, don't let anyone tell you there aren't. But they're not the kind in the stories. I stare at the reflection of myself in the glass railing, and it's eerie, but I feel like, if I turned my head quick enough, it would be sophomore year.

But the thing is, if you want to live, you can't stay. You can't sit on a worn yellow and brown couch forever, picturing all the still-familiar faces that you will never see walk through that door again.

It's really over.

I gather my things, pull on my sweatshirt, and walk, looking around me as I go, looking everywhere. I gather, yes, that's a good word. I gather it all to me. I walk through the revolving doors.

And as I pass the library, outside on the brick sidewalk under a gorgeous purple sky, between the looming silver bleachers that have already been set up on the lawn for graduation, I glance up at the picture window and can almost see a ghost of myself.

Things To Do At SLU Next Week, aka Melanie's Wedding, aka Sketchy T's Return to the Hallowed North Country

1. Make a pilgrimage to the Hoot.
2. Spontaneously die of joy when Sykes clock tower comes into view.
3. Drink Blue.
4. Get a fat bag from Sergi's. (The fat bag has its own group on Facebook, I just found out. I particularly liked one comment: "The Sergi family was not content with the regular calzone. It was much too healthy. So, into to the deep fryer it went!") Faaaat baaaag.
5. Take a picture with Chrissy next to the random pipe on Park Street whose purpose we would always ponder when walking home drunk. "What do you do? Are you for Amish people to tie buggies to? WHAT ARE YOU?"
6. Hike an ADK peak.
7. Pee on the golf course (just kidding).
8. See if the rope swing is still there by the Little River.
9. Reminisce.
10. Hang out with all the best people.
11. Quote. Ourselves. Repeatedly.
12. Make CDs of horrible Tick Tock rap from 1999 and play them in the car.
13. Break into buildings on campus and be sketchy.
14. Be sketchy.

What else? What am I missing? I AM SO EXCITED.

For Those Too Cool To Be Seen Reading Harry Potter...

Harry Potter book disguises. Um, bad language warning. My favorite part is the "reviews" on the back covers. "The most thoroughly disenchanting novel of our time. Utterly mature and high-brow... My kids hate this book." - Chicago Tribune. The blurbs are also great. "They stole his life. He stole their tank." And, "A work of very serious literature."

Part of me warred against another part of me in posting this link. At least one of these is seriously offensive in a way I don't think is funny. But the rest of them are funny. So I am just going to pretend I didn't see the bottom one, because I choose not to start off my day on a negative ranting note.

In another funny aside, way to go, spammers. Did you really think I was going to open an e-mail from someone called Luxor Crackspy?

A Really Amazing Article About Race in SF/F

http://www.infinitematrix.net/faq/essays/noles.html

But I remember Dad saying, how come you never see anybody like that in the stories you like? And I remember answering, maybe they didn't have black people back then. He said there's always been black people. I said but black people can't be wizards and space people and they can't fight evil, so they can't be in the story. When he didn't say anything back I turned around. He was in full recline mode in his chair and he was very still, looking at me. He didn't say anything else.

A thought-provoking and, at times, sad read. Someone posted the link at Iris Network, and I was very struck by it.

Irritated

So someone changed the schedule at work LAST NIGHT and failed to call me to tell me my shifts were switched today. Which means I drove in there for nothing, which is highly inconvenient to me. And I was supposed to know about this how, exactly? Through my extraordinary psychic ability? Magic, perhaps?

Losers.

I just want a real job, where crap like this does not happen to annoy me. Or really, just to live in a cave and work via the internet, drinking coffee all day. But WE CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT.

ALSO. On the topic of annoyance. I saw my most execrable and abhorrent drama queen of an ex walk up and down Magazine Street like four times yesterday. Which can only mean that he must be taking the bar here, and I can only look forward to bumping into His Deplorableness for possibly the rest of my adult life. Because New Orleans is one of those very small big cities where everyone knows everyone. Especially in the legal community. Puke.

Why do all the people I like move?

To Leg or Not To Leg

Leggings. I thought it was a joke that leggings were back. Like it was something college kids were doing because they were being "ironic" or because they were on their way to a theme keg party. But make no mistake-- leggings are out there, along with skinny pants. And they're on the streets of your city.

Personally, I believe in the fashion rule that if you wore it the first time, you should not wear it the second time because you are Too Old. Leggings make me think of the fifth grade, when I wore them with giant baggy t-shirts, with the hem pulled to the side and stuck through one of those decorative plastic rings. And skinny pants. Why? Skinny pants make everyone look fat. I cannot get over the icked-out feeling I get when I see any kind of tapered pant, because they used to only be seen on people's fashion-challenged middle-aged mothers and we used to roll our eyes and be like, "Grooooss. The 80's are SO OVER."

Then I have all these people telling me that my body type is one of the only body types that can handle the skinny pant/legging thing and I should get in on the action. I am super resistant to this idea. But I SUPPOSE I could be persuaded to MAYBE get a tunic-y white shirt and wear it with my chunky turquoise necklace and MAYBE leggings. I SUPPOSE. It seems like super comfortable airport wear, for instance. But as I said, there is something inside me that just resists this idea. I'm not convinced.

So... leggings. Bringing sexy back? Or "that was the 80's on the phone-- they want your outfit back"?

The Potter

I pulled an all-nighter to finish Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Saturday night, and I still a bit hungover from it. I won't say anything here to spoil the book for those who haven't read it. For those who wanted a more tragic, more avant garde kind of ending, I will say that I think it's been obvious all along from the story J.K. Rowling was writing that it was going to end the way it did. There were intriguing snippets about what was going on elsewhere (where Harry wasn't) that I would have loved to know more about. If I felt the book sort of wandered in the middle, this was a reflection of Harry's being without the guidance of a wise adult and having to make the important decisions for himself. I also thought the epilogue was inadequate in that I wanted to know more about what the characters did with their lives after Hogwarts.

But really, it's hard to come up with decisive thoughts about the book. Because how it ended doesn't matter to me half as much as the fact that it is over. It feels, appropriately, like the mixed feelings you get at a graduation. We won't be waiting for Potter again.

Potterday! The Final Countdown

Some final thoughts:

* I don't think Harry is going to die.
* I think all of the Trio are going to make it.
* I would love for Neville to be the one to kill Bellatrix.
* Draco Malfoy seems like he might get redeemed, but I do not expect him to live.
* Snape isn't evil, because Dumbledore had a good reason for trusting him that he didn't tell anyone.
* But, like Malfoy, I wouldn't put money on him making it out of this mess.
* I think Dumbledore is really dead, but they may be able to communicate with him somehow, like through his portrait in the office.
* R.A.B. is Regulus Black. He is virtually the only R-B combo we've heard about. And he's had at least three throwaway references. J.K. doesn't make throwaway references. See Mrs. Figg way back in Book 1 who shows up in Book 5.
* The locket was at 12 Grimmauld Place. I bet it's one of the things Mundungus Fletcher stole when he looted the house, and Harry got mad at him for selling his stuff. Another throwaway plot point from Book 6 that was never followed up with anything. It could be a red herring, but I'm betting it's another "hey, this rat is missing a toe."
* Since it takes two people to get to the island where the locket was, I bet it was Kreacher who went with Regulus. He is sworn to the Black family and has to do what they say. I think this because Rowling apparently told the director of Movie 5 that he'd be sorry later if he cut Kreacher, so his scenes were left in. Therefore there is something he has to do in Book 7.
* There is supposedly a character who manages to do magic late in life in dire circumstances. I'm going out on a limb and saying I think it's Petunia Dursley.
* At least one Weasley will probably die.
* I hate to say it, but things aren't looking good for Hagrid either. It's one of the deaths that would have major emotional impact for Harry.
* Wormtail will turn on Voldemort.
* I think Ginny will live, because of love being a major theme.

Let's see if I'm totally off. I'm probably going to be signing off the internet soon, because I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! Happy Potterday!

We ONLY Watch Quality TV

... in this household. Therefore there must be some mistake when our shows don't get nominated for stuff.

How does The Shield consistently get no love from the Emmy Awards? Even Forrest Whitaker got no love for his unnervingly good guest role last year. Is it because it's on FX? I have totally gotten sucked into this show. None of the garbage on network TV can compare to its intensity. And the actors manage to perform at that consistently high level every episode. I've seen Grey's Anatomy and Boston Legal. That's soapy fluff, not drama! No love!

The Battlestar G didn't entirely get shafted, but the actors did. (BSG picked up nominations in writing, directing, sound, and visual effects.) Season 3 was sort of weak, but they could have at least tossed them something for shafting them last year.

I think every article I've seen mentions The Wire, BSG, and The Shield as major WTF omissions, so it's not exactly like we're crazy people clinging to our couch watching crappy shows here.

Sketchy Rejection

I know there's no point in analyzing the whys and hows of rejection letters, because you'll just drive yourself crazy for no reason. But I just got one today that I felt was sort of sketchy. I sent the story exactly three months ago, and on their site it says not to inquire about the status of your submission until three months have passed. Fine. Sure. I just got a form rejection e-mail on THE DAY three months was up. I don't know why I feel iffy about this. I shouldn't. Except that it is a little coincidental. It makes me think a) it wasn't even read, and their system is just programmed to spit out rejections at the 3-month mark, or b) it was read ages ago but a reply wasn't sent until the very last second. Which is also obnoxious because that's three whole months I could have been submitting elsewhere. Now, you could argue c) they were considering it, but I highly doubt it because of the form. Not that I expect magazines to send personal rejections. I don't. But the past two places that had a story for-freakin-ever at least sent a note.

I'm not usually the oversensitive writer-type who reads too much into her rejections. However, I don't think I'll send there again. If F&SF can respond in eight days with comments that show the story was read, smaller magazines can. And that is all I have to say about that.

I haven't been getting form rejections lately, anyhow. So yeah. NEXT.

Argh... errands

Why don't I have this mysterious packet with insurance information? Where am I supposed to get fingerprinted? What happened to the thing I already faxed, which I of course cannot locate now that I want it? Why have my test scores mysteriously vanished and why is my desk suddenly drowning in papers? And it's lucky I am awake when employers call for such information at 8:45 AM (practicing).

Ooh, but I found a lipstick I haven't seen in months.

Off running errands on da West Bank. Yay.

Real Platform 9 3/4

Because I saw it on Wikipedia and thought it was cute.

Sweetie vs. Potter Update:
In a race against time, Mike is now 57 pages into Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Well, not really a race against time when you consider that he most likely won't be getting his hands on Book 7 until Sunday night... maybe Sunday morning. Because I get it first.

I have to work on Saturday, the day the book is delivered, so it really comes down to whether I pull an all-nighter Saturday night to finish it. My informal survey of this week's mail (seriously-- DOES MAIL GET DELIVERED AFTER 8:00 PM IN ANY OTHER CITY IN THE UNITED STATES, I ASK YOU!) does not make me optimistic about the book being delivered before I have to go to work.

The Previews

I generally try to arrive at movies slightly late (not difficult for me, as I tend to arrive everywhere slightly late), so as to miss the previews. But we had to get to the 7:00 showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix quite early, to wrestle the parents and kiddies for our seats. (I will say I was quite impressed with the group of kids sitting behind us. Thought it was going to be a nightmare, but I hardly heard a peep out of them once the movie started. Flashbacks to my camp counselor days when I was forced to chaperone my kids into some of the. worst. movies. ever.) So I had to watch the previews, and there turned out to be some interesting stuff there.

The Golden Compass was looking good (see trailer), with Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. Everyone British (or British sounding)-- check. Special effects not showing signs of crappiness-- check. I am worried, though, that they'll tone down the parts about "the Church." For me, the fact that the Church ends up having it all wrong is the most interesting part of the books. It's not so much an issue in the first book, but if they make movies of the second and third books (in particular the third), I can see it as being something they will water down to appease the Christian right. And I wouldn't be happy with that. Then again, Philip Pullman has apparently said he's happy with the movie. I want to see it, but I am feeling wary about its potential sequels.

I don't know why Christians get so uptight about stuff like this. It's a parallel fantasy universe, it's not even your Church. It's about people-- in particular, children-- thinking for themselves. It's just this "omigod something called a church is portrayed as bad quick ban the books!!!" attitude that scares me about our country. But there it is.

Also saw the trailer for Becoming Jane, which, as an English major, I will probably have to see too. But that does not mean I have to approve of it. Jane Austen would never sneak off and do improper things in the woods. She just wouldn't.

I Will Not Look at Harry Potter Spoilers

I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.
I will not look at Harry Potter spoilers.

K. I think I have that under control.

ClosetBindo Says: This My Closet. I Smite You. Fluffily.

Will I Die If I Eat This Cream Cheese?

Let us state for the record that I am not the world's most... hygienic... person.

Just now I am toasting a bagel. I don't really know why. Usually I hate the thought of eating breakfast food for breakfast (so heavy, so carb-y, and eggs gross me out), and usually I like my bagels cold, not toasted. But my wonderful tropical climate just began to blow rain at my windows in a stormy manner, and a hot bagel and coffee seemed like the thing to do. I reached into the fridge for cream cheese, only to check the date and see that it said MAY 26 2006.

Now, I know for a FACT that I have purchased cream cheese this year. So I'm not sure where this old-as-the-hills container of cream cheese came from, and why it's the only one in the fridge. Then I thought, well it's not as if cream cheese is milk. And it doesn't have anything growing on it, which you would think would be the case if it was really over a year old. It looks and smells safe. I know the average, reasonable, sane person would not even be toying with the idea of eating this cream cheese, but I seem to blissfully lack the gene that causes one to care about this sort of thing.

So, will I die if I eat this cream cheese of dubious age?

I guess I had better stay on the safe side and eat the bagel with margarine. But I don't like bagels with butter, and I won't be happy about it.

The Monday Traffic Spike

Having kept track of my site traffic-- that is, all of my 50 readers-- for all of five minutes (well, okay, more like 30 days), I find it interesting that there is a drop-off in blogging on weekends. As a general trend across the majority of blogs, not just here. This goes for both blog posts and blog readers. And then there is usually a little uptick in traffic every Monday. I would have assumed the opposite. But then, it's been so long since I worked behind a desk with a computer. And perhaps other people are less likely than I am to spend their weekends vegging out in front of a screen.

I feel sort of bad, Monday traffickers, that I neglected to post.

Do you randomly surf more on Mondays? Does being at work make you depressed (imagine how much MORE depressed you'd be if you were like me and didn't have access to a computer at work)? Did you expect me to post something brilliant and insightful about my cat on this Mondayest of Mondays?

Well, I didn't.

Harry Potter Progress

My esteemed Sweetie is up to Goblet of Fire. He's about 1/3 of the way through.

It appears I underestimated him. Perhaps there will be time for us to discuss our Book 7 theories for, like, one day before it arrives.

Girl Revan Is Not Pleased

So my brother has a shop on CafePress. I was toying with the idea of making one, because I am the kind of person who likes funny slogans. One morning I kind of went crazy, and came up with a bunch of stuff that may or may not be funny to anyone who isn't me or my brother. (We spent a whole day on the phone making Space Quest shirts.) The only problem with the free shop is that you can only have one of each product (ie: one white t-shirt, one bumper sticker). This sucks if you have more than one design. Because I tend to get carried away, I shortly had more designs than I knew what to do with. So instead of paying the $$ and getting a premium store, I just made a billion little mini stores.

I was really just trying to make T-shirts that I wanted, so I could buy them for myself. But! Some random people have bought my stuff! The most popular thing thus far seems to be my Girl Revan shirts. In the game Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, the character you play can be male or female, light side or dark side. But then the LucasFolk had to go and ruin the fun by declaring "Canon Revan" to be a light side male. This decision has always annoyed me. So I made Girl Revan Is Not Pleased, and Girl Revan says, what is this canon you speak of? I really, really want to buy one (both!) for myself, but there's this whole zero dollars thing. Someday soon.

Once I made the base design, I kind of went out of control. I was really on a roll there. I also have Girl Revan Hearts Flyboys. And I have several more on my hard drive, including Girl Revan Finds Your Lack of Faith Disturbing and Does Girl Revan Have to Slap a Sith?, but I drew the line at uploading them onto CafePress. I wouldn't want to glut the Girl Revan shirt market (me! and apparently like four other people!) with too many products at once, ya know.

Is That a Lightsaber or a Hydrospanner?

Or a post about Mara Jade! By yours truly! Imagine that!

You expect Mara to have a romance with Karrde, her boss, but she doesn't. You expect her to have a romance with Luke, and she doesn't. She's not there for anyone else, but is instead portrayed as a character in her own right, with an emotional arc that has nothing to do with a man. It certainly defied my expectations when I was twelve.

Read the rest here...


(I'm referring, btw, to the nerdiest IM conversation ever, in which my brother and I argued about whether that's a lightsaber or a hydrospanner clipped to Mara's belt, above, in my header. And then felt like huge geeks because we knew what a hydrospanner was. WHICH REMINDS ME. I swear to god, the other week we realized they have hydrospanners on Star Trek too! Or something that also performs a screwdriver-like function that sounds like the characters are saying hydrospanner. And now I'm going to have to go look that up, and I feel like an even bigger loser. THANKS, BLOG.)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

We thought this was one of the best Harry Potter movies yet. Even I was able to separate myself from the usual voice in my head that says, "They strayed from the book! They strayed from the book!" throughout the whole movie. I liked the dark coloring, the pacing, the adult feel of the movie. Yes, there were things that could have done with more exposition, and there were parts from the book I would have liked to see in the movie... but, as Kingsley Shacklebolt said, you can't deny it had style.

After the scene at the Ministry, I felt rather threatened. I think that scene (gasp! I can hardly type it!) came off better than in the book. When the Order burst onto the scene, it really hit home for me that Harry and his friends had done well in the fight, but these were the big boys. It was impressive, and I think it was necessary. There really hasn't been a scene yet in the franchise showing what full-blown wizards can do. It was a great scene.

I Demand a Revolution

I caught ten minutes of this E! series called Sunset Tan yesterday, and it was a new low. I immediately called bullshit. Like, immediately. It's the first time** I've seen a "reality" show that was so blatantly fake, I could tell without even watching an episode. The scenarios... the dialogue... there's something just stilted and staged about them. And there are these two girls working in the tanning salon who are so incompetent and dumb, they would be fired in about five minutes if it was real. I turned to my old friend Google ("Sunset Tan"+ fake reality show). Sure enough, the search turned up this fabulous article. In fact, it's so snarky, I shall quote:

Sunset Tan (E!, Sundays at 10:30 p.m. ET) is a six-episode reality series of such superlative vapidity that it seems right on the edge of mutating into some toxic new breed of media experience... This moderately misanthropic and mildly depressing show is a portrait of a country so ugly that it plays like anti-American propaganda.

Heh. What they said. Also, they filmed an episode where they had to spray tan a dead guy, and got busted because the dead guy was in fact played by an actor. Also, I wish I'd come up with the phrase "superlative vapidity" first.

It makes me upset. Mainly because the past ten years I have valiantly believed that reality TV is a fad that people will get sick of. And yet it just gets worse! It's all over the TV, even on otherwise reputable stations. I don't think it's a coincidence that I stopped watching TV right around the time reality TV became popular. I don't get it. I know a lot of people do watch it, and they are smart people, and I miss out on a lot of watercooler-type conversation because I don't watch it... but I still do not get it. I have tried to get it, but I don't.

Reality television is creating a whole new class of F-list "celebrities" who are famous for... nothing. But mostly it makes me angry because I feel cheated. I feel like if networks are going to FAKE reality shows, why not fork over the money, hire real writers and real actors, and, I don't know, MAKE A REAL SHOW? I just feel as if I am being handed a low-quality product, so why should I support networks who aren't putting in the effort? Dammit, when are the people going to rise up? When is my Marxist television revolution going to happen?

WE ARE BEING OPPRESSED.




** Actually, not. I just remembered I feel the same way about Laguna Beach and its spinoff(s). I do not know if there is more than one. I do not know what it is called, except that there is this girl in New York who isn't even cute, but has a hugely inflated opinion of herself, and has a life that is way too insipid and dull for me to watch. Anyway. I am convinced that these people, who-EVER they are, are also fake.

It's A Mystery!

The story I'm currently writing has elements of mystery, and so far I'm finding it tough to plot. This could be because, in the past, my stuff hasn't relied heavily on plot. The thing is, I've read lots of mysteries, so I don't see why they don't rub off on me. If I didn't like scifi/fantasy slightly better, I'd probably read a lot more mysteries than I do. The only series I really keep up with regularly are Anne Perry's Victorian mysteries and the Stephanie Plum books. And (wow, this makes me sound like I have no life) I have been known to watch 3-hour blocks of CSI reruns on SpikeTV (5:00 CST-8:00, just after Star Trek Voyager, just before the evening movie). I have become quite good at spotting plot holes in those. Which isn't particularly hard with a show like that, since the plot hole is usually "Shut up, Grissom would TOTALLY have seen that! Lame! I call foul!"

Some people must have a knack for plotting mysteries, otherwise they wouldn't write them, right? My theory is that's just not how my brain works. Therefore I've concluded I have no choice but to work backwards. Right? I have to figure out the outcome I want to have, and then hide bits of it that are slowly revealed through the action. Do mystery writers go backwards, or do ideas just come to them intuitively? I wonder. Personally I can't just start off making stuff up and trust that the plot twists that I subsequently come up with will make sense. So, backwards it is.

Ow, Cat

You would not believe the twin scratches Jolee just raked into my right boob. I would take a picture to show how horribly long and painful these scratches are, but I fear the picture will be inappropriate. I am just mentioning it because I hate my cat, and by hate, I mean love him because he is made of fluff and love and is generally perfect in every way.

Except when he kicks off my chest and puts holes in me.

Why would a creature made entirely of fluff and love do such a thing? Because he is a HUGE WIMP with psychological issues, who heard Starbuck TRIP OVER A CARDBOARD BOX in the hallway, and decided the noise was such a threat to his life and limb that he panicked and scratched me up.

So, just for the record. My cat? Huge wimp.

Now I have to find another shirt to wear to work that doesn't make me look like a victim of cat abuse.

Star Trek vs. Battlestar Galactica: Equal Opportunity Hotness

In the latest of our household Trek vs. Galactica debates, I questioned why there are no hot guys on Star Trek. Each Trek has at least one hot female character, but the male characters? Not so much. The B-Star G has Apollo, Helo, and Anders. The three of them are solidly in the realm of superhotness. And then? The "lesser" characters like Baltar, the Chief, and Gaeta aren't terribly hard on the eyes either. Clearly humanity is going to make it, having managed to save all the hot people when the Cylons nuked civilization. (Which raises one of my major beefs with the Cylons, actually: How come all the female Cylon models are smoking, while the males are all "ehhh"? Six: hot. Boomer: hot. Three: hot. Cavil: old. Doral: balding. Simon: could be hot if we saw him longer than 3 seconds. Leoben: the Leobens are the best-looking male Cylon model, but they've got that hot-in-a-creepy-way thing going on.)

Perhaps if Star Trek introduced Hot Off-Duty Tank Tops like BSG, we'd know whether anyone had a good body under their yicky 80's spandex. Alas, spandex seems to be the clothing for all occasions. The Trek may be uber-popular scifi, but it doesn't have a history of doing much for its female viewers.

I rank the various Star Treks in terms of guy hotness:

*** no ranking *** Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Now, this is the Trek it's been the longest since I've seen. Therefore I'm not going to pass judgment at this time. I will say, though, that I've gone through the main characters to refresh my memory, and no one jumps out at me as hot. Bashir is cute, but not my type. Eventually I will Netflix these and determine at that time if anyone surprises, and jumps out at me as hot.

4. Star Trek: The Next Generation. I think the following conversation sums this one up:
Mike: But didn't you think Picard was totally attractive?
Me: Eeeeeew!
Mike: I mean, because of the power, and the voice. You didn't find him attractive?
Me: Eeeeew he's old! But I think I did have a mini-crush on Riker when I was a kid, and a girl-crush on Counselor Troi.
Mike: Ew, Riker?
So, yeah, not a lot of hotties on TNG. Everyone's stubbornly average. And Riker doesn't do it for me anymore. Sorry, TNG. I like you, but you're Not Hot.

3. Star Trek: Enterprise. We've watched through Season 2 of Enterprise on Netflix, and this was what prompted the whole discussion. They don't wear spandex on Enterprise, which can only be counted as a good thing. The guys have T'Pol, who is always having to be wiped down in the weird decontamination gel room. Plus Hoshi is also cute. But for the girls? Archer: average. Malcolm: average. Travis: I thought he was cute when he got his own episode, but he always has that "gee whiz!" expression on his face, which is Not Hot. Trip: He seems to get laid the most, and from his decon gel scenes has a pretty good body (which is under a jumpsuit all the time!), but I'd rank him "cute but not hot." Plus his southern hick accent is off-putting to me.

2. Star Trek: The Original Series. This series features Captain Kirk as the ultimate space pimp. The Shatner at that age is pretty good-looking. But no one else is cute. So I guess this Trek is getting its rating purely for the Space Pimp Factor.

1. Star Trek: Voyager. Clearly the winner. I watch Voyager on SpikeTV every afternoon, and therefore consider myself qualified to declare it the Hottest Trek. Tom Paris is a total cutie. Chakotay? Hot. In an older man with bad-ass facial tattoo kind of way. I don't know, am I alone out there with this one? Whatever. Chakotay is hot. Ensign Kim is not entirely uncute, either. Congratulations, Star Trek: Voyager, and thank you!

Curse You, Potter!

I said I was pretending Harry Potter didn't exist, so as not to spend a week up all night frothing at the mouth and obsessing about the book, like last time a new one came out. But, thanks to Sweetie, that plan is going out the window.

Yes, I came home last night to find my significant other reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

For the first time.

"Wait-- are you reading Harry Potter?"

"Oh-- yes."

"You manage to successfully avoid Harry Potter for the past ten years, and you're starting it now?"

Oy. I like to think I could have managed to forget about Harry Potter till at least next week. But not while it's being flaunted right next to me. That's just not fair! He finished it earlier this afternoon. Now he's gone out for groceries, having looked up the hours of our local bookstore before he left. I strongly suspect he will come home toting the second Potter book (the only one I don't already own).

Stephen King has a great column about the end of the Harry Potter books. It's not just the end of the series, it's the end of a shared cultural experience. When since Star Wars have we waited in line at openings? I wonder if I will be sad.

I refuse to ponder the significance of the final Harry Potter right now, because I'm still gamely forging ahead with Not Thinking About Harry Potter.

Although the game might... be up.

Yay Books!

Although I suck at winning stuff in the real world, I'm quite good at it in the blog world! I'm getting a free copy of Tobias Buckell's Ragamuffin, through his blog.

I love that he's writing SF with a much-needed dose of diversity. Ragamuffin actually has a female protagonist of color. I'm not sure I've even seen one of those in space opera. And personally, any books that have things like zeppelins, parrots, and a guy with a hook on the front covers are all right with me (Crystal Rain, the first book in the series, on right). Not that authors usually have much say in their cover art, but I really like those parrots.

Random NOLA Celebrity Sighting: Kimberly Elise

Right on the heels of last week's celebrity sighting! Kimberly Elise ate at Everyone's Favorite Magazine Street Restaurant (aka where I work) tonight. Which gives me cause to wonder how many other people from movies I've seen while remaining blithely clueless. Of course, if our bartender hadn't recognized her, I think we would have caught up when her driver came in and asked us to tell them he was going, and they'd have to get a cab back to the hotel. Anyway she was wearing a super cute dress that we all coveted, and was very nice, and asked me if it would be hard to get a cab and where was a good dessert place.

According to IMDB, she is currently filming The Great Debaters in Shreveport. She must have come down for the weekend for Essence Fest. The Great Debaters also stars Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker. Again with the "Damn, why didn't you bring your co-stars with you?!!" She must be pretty tight with Denzel-- she's been in three movies with him! And ooohh-- apparently she was also my favorite character in the Beloved movie... and everyone knows that I think Beloved is one of the greatest novels of the 20th century (maybe you didn't, but now you do). Anyhow, I'm apparently on something of a streak with the random celebrity sightings.

Although I heard I missed Stifler's mom on my day off. (I know I would have recognized Jennifer Coolidge... or so I like to tell myself. Sigh.)

Don't Wanna Celebrate

I don't celebrate the 4th of July anymore. This is because I don't really live in the United States of America anymore, but in a small independent city-state at the southern end of the Mississippi River. Seriously. I personally think we should secede, and take all of our oil with us.

Yes, I am disillusioned with the current state of America. What do you expect? I am a socially liberal, pro-choice, anti-war woman in a young demographic with a buttload of student debt who lives in New Orleans. The current government has made it perfectly clear on several fronts that it doesn't care about me, or other people like me. So why should I care about it?

I suppose I could go the other way and say that the 4th of July doesn't have to be about "Rah rah America!" I suppose I could have celebrated it because it was Independence Day, and that's a good thing (never mind what we chose to do with it and that if we had a parliamentary system of government like Britain and practically every other civilized country, we wouldn't be in our current situation). But as it happens, I didn't really celebrate the 4th of July. America doesn't inspire "rah rah" feelings in me these days.

Besides, I was at work.

Diary of the Cat

As a rule, I hate most e-mail forwards. However:

Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair . . . must
try this on their bed.
Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was . . . Hmmm. Not working according to plan . . .
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foaming chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time . . .

I have a sinking feeling that this is exactly what goes through at least Jolee's head.

Customers Are Dumb

Me (picking up phone): Byblos Magazine.
Guy: Hi. Is this Byblos?
Me: Yes.
Guy: The one on Magazine?
Me: Yes.
Guy: Oh, so this is Byblos. OK.
Me: .....

No, actually, I just think it's fun to mess with people's heads by answering the phone that way. Yes, this is freakin' Byblos.

:sob:

Drury... Briere... Senators... Hurricanes... bankruptcy... Hasek... Peca... Hull... Stars... no-goal... NO GOAL DAMMIT... why? why?

... it's too much! It's all too much! :sob:



The above is not, contrary to first impressions, a bunch of nonsense words. It's... I suppose one could call it a stream-of-consciousness reverse chronological listing of all the things about being a Buffalo Sabres fan that have MADE ME CRY over the last eight years. IN CASE IT WASN'T IMMEDIATELY OBVIOUS. Don't be a Sabres fan. You do not want to have these indignities visited upon you. Believe me. I weep.

:sob:

One of These Things is Not Like the Others

No, she is not resting on the clothes pile. She is under it. Starbuck has this burrowing habit. Sometimes she burrows under the bathmat and I almost squash her.

Lest You Say Waitstaff Are Burnouts

I suspect many people took the first part of this week as a long weekend, since they have the day off tomorrow for the 4th of July anyway, so the restaurant was less than busy yesterday at lunch. Therefore everyone was reading a book.

I was impressed by the variety of books being read. One server was reading Little Children, by Tom Perrotta. Someone else was reading a script for a play she was in. Another was reading Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future. That's, ya know, some pretty good reading material.

Where was I in this equation, you ask? I was bringing up the rear with InStyle Magazine.

Speaking of books, there are three I need to have this summer: Ragamuffin by Tobias Buckell, Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch, and the new Harry Potter. The only one out thus far is Ragamuffin (it's a sort-of sequel to Crystal Rain, which was one of my favorite books from last year), which I'm not hugely desperate about buying this second because Tobias Buckell has 1/3 of it on his website as a sampler, and I haven't finished reading those chapters yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to buy the book. I certainly wouldn't want to discourage authors from putting up free samples, because I loooove free samples. Also, from what I've checked out so far, the book looks great. (If you want to get in on the free sample action, read the first 1/3 of Ragamuffin here.) But that's three books in hardcover and there's that whole me having zero dollars thing.

I just remembered I have that free book coupon from SFBC though. Hmmm... I must choose, but choose wisely.

A Run for the Border... the Mississippi Border, That Is

Me: A Taco Bell!
Sweetie: I don't see it.
Me: Up there!
Sweetie: Where do you see this Taco Bell? How can you see it all the way up there?
Me: When it comes to Taco Bell, I always know.

Ahhh, what a great day. We hung out on the beach in Biloxi by the Beau Rivage Casino all afternoon. I brought a book and a towel, but ended up being so excited by the prospect of the beach that I never cracked the book and just spent hours in the water instead. It only took a little over an hour to get there, door to door, and I-10 drops you off right on the beach. It's so easy! I don't see why we shouldn't go back next week! Beach beach beach!

Of course there aren't really waves... and it was very sad to realize that the reason there's no "stuff" (food shacks, piers, buildings in general) is because it hasn't been rebuilt yet after Katrina. It's very surreal. You see these acres and acres of beachfront property that's just scrub land with For Sale signs and chunks of concrete, and you think, "This property must be worth a fortune. How come no one's built-- Oh." It looks every bit as bad as here, which came as a surprise to me.

Being used to the beaches in New England, I think the water in the Gulf is a little on the warm side for my tastes... like tepid bathwater. But whatever. There was a fresh breeze, and we ended up getting surprisingly more sun than we expected. On the way back, we took Highway 90, which runs along the water and has an amazing view. I highly recommend it if you've got a couple hours to kill.

Plus there was a Taco Bell.*



* Post-K all the Taco Bells pulled out of New Orleans proper. This is EXTREMELY upsetting to me. Taco Bell is my only hangover food. There are some days when I need chalupas to live. I grab the wheel and peel off the road when I see a Taco Bell that's open.