I Will Never Understand

... the tendency of my LONG-HAIRED cat to pick the hottest room in the house, sneak in, and sleep there. It's about 100 degrees outside this week, and we haven't been out in the living room for several days, and have been keeping the door firmly closed. Which means it is about 100 degrees out there too. Yet he persists in zipping through the door when I'm not looking. Then hours later, I can't find him, and I go hunting... only to find him flopped out in front of the fireplace looking totally happy, when really he ought to be dead of heat exhaustion and perhaps lack of oxygen. Does he not understand that he is a long-haired cat? Does he not understand that he can sleep in the bedroom, in his spot on top of the leather couch DIRECTLY in front of the air conditioner? He either has a temperature disorder or a death wish.

For that matter, I will never understand the tendency of my other cat to sleep in the bathtub, either.

There is no point to this post, except that it is really, really, really, really hot out this week, and just cooking Caribbean rice from the Zatarain's box is enough physical activity to make me have to take a shower. I am on my new laptop in the bedroom, since we can no longer afford to A/C more than one room in the house. It's like a little fort.

One of These Things is Not Like the Others

No, she is not resting on the clothes pile. She is under it. Starbuck has this burrowing habit. Sometimes she burrows under the bathmat and I almost squash her.

All Together Now

I made a valiant attempt to get all three of us into the same picture, just to see if I could, and this is the closest I got. Unfortunately Starbuck leaped off the top of the couch as a picture was being taken, and Jolee thought, "Yeah right" and looked out the window. If you were to observe that these responses to the photo-taking might be indicative of each of my cats' general behavior patterns, I would say that's a good point. We can infer from this photo, for instance, that Starbuck does not stay still and Jolee is a great big hater. We would be correct in both cases. Nevertheless, it's the closest I could get to a 'happy family portrait.' Because, as much as Sweetie is part of the household too, unfortunately Jolee would never let him get within two feet. That's not going to happen.

Starbuck Hangs Self!

I hate to laugh, because she was obviously in pain and freaking out, but Starbuck just managed to get herself tangled up in the cord for the blinds and then leap off the couch. I was sitting here, and all of a sudden I hear panicked, "MAAAAAH! MAAAAH! MAAAH!" I turned around, and she was hanging suspended with the cord wrapped twice around her and stuck in her legs.

Hahahaha.

See what I have to deal with. She's in my freakin' underwear!

This is Starbuck's box. She's so dumb.

Here's my Floofer, just as a special bonus. Because he is the prettiest pet ever to exist anywhere ever. So there. I have proof. And just because he's not as dumb as Starbuck doesn't mean he doesn't want to be blogged! (Don't get me wrong, I have several blackmail pictures of him being dumb too! Which maybe I will post later in the week. I just dumped 118 photos off my camera.)

Starbuck

... might be mentally retarded. Seriously. Cats are supposed to be intelligent creatures. But she is... not. Do you think maybe the cat colony she came from was crazy inbred? (Yes, she crawled under there herself.)

Stupid Kitten

For those that responded to the picture of Starbuck's cuteness below, I just want to say, "What-ever." I am so over her cuteness. She may LOOK cute. But she is the most annoying small creature on the planet Earth. For not one but two days in a row, she has woken me up too early with her attempts to ACTUALLY CLIMB THE WALLS OF OUR BEDROOM. I am not kidding. She keeps trying to run up to the top of the couch and then scale the wall.

I'm going to give her away. Does anyone want a half-grown gray kitten with a penchant for racing over people's legs at 7 AM and CLIMBING WALLS?

Also, she will build things out of your newspapers and methodically tear them into strips.

Also, she will terrorize your other cats.

And meow a lot for no reason, even though she has food, water, and a litter box, and is not dying.

Starbuck Uses Missiles of Cuteness to Blast Pesky Cylons From Sky

Last Week of Class

This is more or less the week all my stuff is due for school, so I'm going to be either a) not here, or b) posting stupid things that do not require much thought. So, in that vein, here is Starbuck in a fort she made out of the Sunday paper. It looks like a bunch of newspaper and a tail, but I assure you it is Starbuck. She loves to make forts out of the paper.

Midget Kitten

Mike: Is that as big as Starbuck's going to get?
Me: I don't think so... what is she? Five or six months old maybe?
Mike: She just seemed like she doubled in size all at once, but she's been this size a while.
Me: I think she's still growing. Look, her neck's all scrawny, but she eats so much. I think this is her awkward phase.
Mike: Maybe this is as big as she'll get.
Me: You think so? Do you think she's a midget? Oh my god, what if she's a midget? What if she's a mini-cat?
Mike: I don't know, you've had cats. You tell me.
Me: I don't know!

Hmph. She's just very small. Still about half as big as Jolee size-wise, and probably 1/3 of his weight. Sometimes I worry about whether I should feed her more. But I don't think it's possible for her to eat more.

OMG SO TRAUMATIZED!

So. While we were gone for the weekend, the construction men were supposed to finish the bathroom floor. It turned out it was a good thing we were going away, because they ripped out the toilet and the sink. (We only have the one bathroom in our apartment.) I was a little concerned about the cats Friday morning, since they were hiding in the bedroom super freaked out about the workers AND I was going out of town. But I put out their food and water, cleaned their boxes, and said goodbye.

On Saturday morning I woke up with the horrible thought that there was a huge hole in the bathroom floor from where the wood was rotten, and it would totally be like Starbuck to crawl into it and get stuck in the walls. I was afraid they would tile the floor over the top of her and she would be walled up in there like a poor kitten in an Edgar Allen Poe story. Also, when we left, the back door was hanging wide open. I don't think Jolee would ever venture out the back door, but Starbuck might. So I was very anxious to get home and make sure they were both A) still here, and B) not in the floor. While in Atlanta during our connection, we get a message from the landlord that the contractor got sick this weekend and didn't come back, so the floor did NOT get done and we also have NO TOILET.

Yes, this is right. As we speak, we have no toilet.

But this isn't why I'm traumatized. So we get home and I unlock the door and run inside, calling, "Kitties! Kitties! I'm home! Jolee! Starbuck!" No cats run to greet me. I expected them to pop right out when they heard me, so I thought, "Huh." I ran to the back of the apartment... to find THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSED AND LATCHED! I glanced in the kitchen and none of the food had been touched! The litter box hadn't been used! I rip open the bedroom door and there is Jolee, all wide-eyed. He comes scooting out with his butt low to the floor, like he does when he is half-immobilized with fear, and Starbuck comes running out behind him. They both were just screaming at me.

I feel like the world's cruelest pet owner. I cannot believe the workers locked them in the bedroom. They were in there with no food or water the whole time I was gone! I know it's only two days... but I feel so awful! Jolee is especially upset. He just darted around, inconsolable, for half an hour. (Mike says it is because he is a Prima Donna. But my babe is not a Prima Donna. He's just sensitive.) They have had a ton to eat and drink now, and used the box, and they seem to be calming down. I'm sure it was an accident-- they probably shut the door to keep the dust out of our bedroom and didn't know the cats were in there. I'm amazed there isn't cat poop all over the bedroom, but I guess since they were STARVING they didn't have to go. They managed to tear some yarn off the carpet and pull a splinter off the door, but they didn't destroy anything.

Starbuck is running races around the living room, and Jolee just galloped across to join her. They are both crazy hyper at the moment, now that the food has digested. I know they will probably be running around all night like a herd of furry elephants, but there is no way I could bring myself to yell at them, because they have been locked in that little room for days. They need exercise.

It wasn't my fault, cats! I promise! Poor babes. :-(

Cat Fight

There is a cat fight on my living room floor right now. It's pretty intense, yet highly humorous. Someday I need to capture video footage of the daily cat fight. All my attempts to photograph it have failed because they move too quickly. Also, they spring apart guiltily when they catch me watching.

First Jolee baits Starbuck by lying on his side, blinking his blue eyes and appearing fluffy and innocent. She can't resist-- her butt starts to wriggle and she pounces. He slaps her with his giant paws. She goes for the jugular, burying her face in his neck. Oh! Starbuck for the takedown, flipping onto her back so she can kick Jolee repeatedly in the chin with her back feet. But he reverses the equation, popping up onto his feet. He's in the clear! He leaps! It looks like he's squished her... ow. And then she's up again, and here's the pitter patter of rampaging cat feet as they fly apart to regroup.

Oh, cats. Now Starbuck is behind the door, and Jolee is bouncing back and forth from the hallway to the office, obviously hoping to entice her to attack. Jolee is the funniest to watch-- he's more babyfaced than the baby, really. His face is round and fuzzy and blue-eyed, while Starbuck has this lean pointed look to her. She's a scrapper, but Jolee always has this goofy look, like, "Me? Fight? I just happened to be posing here in a vulnerable position."

Starbuck = SO Annoying!

Seriously.

I refer here to the kitten, not the Battlestar Galactica character. I am home from work on my break, before going back at 6:00 to work the night shift. I have been on my laptop for, I kid you not, twenty minutes. In that period of time, Starbuck has attempted to insinuate herself between me and the computer roughly 180 times. I have shoved her off the couch at least 30 times, which seems not to deter her one bit, since she immediately hops right back up. First she wiggled under my arm, which made me not able to type. Then she went right for the keyboard. Then she attempted to sit ON my hands, while they were navigating the mouse. She keeps flopping right across my wrists. I keep pushing her off.

Yes, yes, she's purring, she's cute. But seriously, she is the world's most annoying kitten. She has this little perky "mow! mow! mmmmmow!" It would be cute if it wasn't crawling into my armpits and onto my laptop. And kissing me on the lips. She likes to kiss people on the nose, which is cute (she even did it to the vet!), but I draw the line at the lips. She does not understand "no." It would even be cute if she sat on me, but just sat still. But "still" is not in Starbuck's vocabulary. Don't get kittens. They are the spawn of Satan, with a cute face. I should also mention that this is NOT because I'm not paying enough attention to her. I already petted her and played with her... she just seems to believe everyone should be petting her all the time.

Sigh. It's hard to tell something that adorable to get the hell off and go away. I should be thankful she is out at all, and friendly, unlike my devilish feline companion who hasn't showed his face yet this afternoon. I suspect he is under a piece of furniture up to no good. (The construction workers put him in a foul mood.)

Cat Looooove

Or, wait... there's a bad pun in here just dying to come out... wait for it... kitty porn! LOL.

Kitten Pictures!

Because who doesn't love kittens?

Starbuck plays with a Mardi Gras throw. She weighs five pounds now.

Starbuck and Jolee watching birds together on the living room couch. She looks like she's almost his size in this picture, but it's the perspective.

Starbuck managed to singlehandedly destroy the Sunday Times Picayune. As in, it was in a nice stack looking like a newspaper, and she strewed it across the floor and chewed it up. This is her admiring her handiwork (and, I think, getting ready to pounce on Jolee's tail, which is in the bottom right hand corner).

Window Cats

I love how, after waking me up a full hour before I meant to be up, my cats have totally moved on to hanging out in their respective windows, quietly watching birds. What brats. Jolee is standing up on the chair with his paws on the armrest. Starbuck is perched on top of a couch cushion. I can hear a lot of bird noises outside. Jolee in particular loves this bunch of doves that hang out in the eaves of the house next door in the mornings. If he hears them making their dove noises before the blinds are open, he will hop up next to me on the bed and paw at the blinds until I open them so he can see "his" doves.

My cats are not as aloof as they think they are. For one thing, they have this thing where they have to hang out in the room I'm in. So since I'm on my laptop having coffee, they're in the living room. If I get up and go into the office to play a couple minutes of Oblivion (really, a couple), they'll gravitate in there. And then they'll glare at me if I try to pet them like it's a total coincidence that they're there. OK, fine, when I say "they," I mean Jolee. Starbuck will crawl all over me with her pointy little kitten feet. She doesn't really have that cat resentment thing going on yet-- that dirty look they give you when they're SO BUSY sleeping, licking themselves, staring into space, etc., that they can't be bothered being petted.

Yesterday my friend Marissa ran the Mardi Gras Marathon, and went promptly to Bourbon Street to celebrate upon completing it. After I got out of work, I met them down there, which somehow led to the rather unique "only in New Orleans" experience of us ending up in Rick's Cabaret at 7 PM on a Sunday. Strip clubs are apparently not happening places on Sunday evenings, in case you couldn't guess. Mike complained that there was only one hot girl in the whole place, but I thought her fake boobs were a little scary. There was totally a line down one side. Things didn't even MOVE! They looked like hard plastic with skin stretched over them. But you could tell the girl worked out, from her arms and upper back, and the rest of her body was awesome. Too bad she didn't keep the B's she was born with (or A's, C's, whatever). She would have looked better.

I like my B's. I don't believe in women changing themselves to fit some ideal that men made up. Men don't have boobs. Therefore they should have no say.

Starbuck

Introducing baby Starbuck!

I wanted to name the kitten after a warrior woman. She has become very fierce in the last two days... she chased Jolee all around the apartment this morning and even pounced on him. (He was a bit taken aback, but rebounded by stalking her across the carpet.) There are a couple of female Jedi in the Star Wars canon, but I didn't like any of them enough to name her after them. And I didn't know if I wanted two Jedi cats... So then I thought about Firefly. And I thought I would name her Zoe. But it sounded too much like Jolee. Then last night we watched Battlestar Galactica from Netflix-- I've been wanting to watch it for a while, because it is supposed to be a really good sci fi show. And therefore I have named the baby kitten Starbuck. Because it's cute. In a bad-ass fighter pilot kind of way. ;-)

Tags: starbuck

Alpha Cat

I don't know if I jumped the gun a little on this, but I took the baby cat out to see Jolee this morning. They were meowing under the door. She has made a ton of progress in two days. She loves to be handled and she purrs a lot. She has the run of the office when we're here to supervise her (though I'm keeping her locked up in her crate at night because I'm worried she'll get stuck somewhere or chew on cords). She likes to hide under the futon, but it's more like she's exploring than scared. I am trying to stuff her full of food, because she's so thin.

Jolee has been loud but all right. I keep petting him and telling him he's the alpha cat, and he is bigger, stronger, and prettier than that other cat, and I love him the most (what? I have to bribe him somehow! Besides, he is the prettiest cat I know.) Anyhow, I carried her crate out into the hallway to let him see her. His eyes went really round, and he walked up and sniffed her crate. He meowed a couple of times and seemed curious. Then he walked off sort of indifferently. I think this is a great reaction, and I am very relieved. She, however, was terrified of him. She hissed her baby hiss and came right up to the metal grate and growled at him. He seemed quite surprised! But then, he is a big cat, and his fur makes him bigger. It is obvious that I'll have to take it gradually, to make sure she's not too freaked out by him.

Baby cat still doesn't have a name. I know, I know. I'm working on it.

Tags: cats, kitten, jolee

Baby Gray Cat!

Introducing the new kitty... who is, for the moment, nameless. This is her being held by Mike. We were able to get a purr out of her, and she relaxed enough to fall asleep on the futon. Then I got a tiny baby hiss as I put her back into her crate. Oh well, it's only been two hours. She is huddled in her litter box at the back of the crate. But I bet she will purr again if I take her out.


In this shot, you can get an idea of her markings. She is a dilute torti, aka gray with beige spots throughout her fur. She has two beige feet and two gray feet. She is an older kitten, but still very, very small. There is a beige spot on her head. She actually looks more like a ferret, because she is long, but skin and bones.

Just for some perspective on her size, here she is curled up next to Mike. So far, Jolee is pretty calm. He knows she's there; he yowled and stuck his paws under the office door. But then I came out and petted him and he purred really loudly with a self-satisfied look on his face, like, "You still love me more. You left that cat to pet ME. I win." Then he went to sleep.

Tags: kitten