Still Life With Soup Can: thursday thirteen

Showing posts with label thursday thirteen. Show all posts

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Thirteen First Lines

... from 13 Books I love. Can you guess what they're from? This was fun. It amuses me that some of them are so obvious and some of them might as well be from anything. (Hint: OK, less than half of them are SF/F, so that should make it easier.)

1. "We slept in what had once been the gymnasium."

2. "Lessa woke, cold."

3. "The beet is the most intense of vegetables."

4. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

5. "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."

6. "Early in the morning, late in the century, Cricklewood Broadway."

7. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."

8. "The doctor woke up afraid."

9. "'We should start back,' Gared urged as the woods began to grow dark around them."

10. "Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun."

11. "Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy."

12. "A green and yellow parrot, which hung in a cage outside the door, kept repeating over and over, 'Allez vous-en! Allez vous-en! Sapristi! That's all right!'"

13. "124 was spiteful."

(1. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood. 2. Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey. 3. Jitterbug Perfume, Tom Robbins. 4. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen. 5. The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien. 6. White Teeth, Zadie Smith. 7. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling. 8. The Witching Hour, Anne Rice. 9. A Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin. 10. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams. 11. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis. 12. The Awakening, Kate Chopin. 13. Beloved, Toni Morrison.)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Thirteen Things On My Amazon Wishlist

I really was drawing a blank, and I didn't want to skip the TT for the third week of sheer laziness in a row. So here are 13 things currently on my Amazon wishlist. Not that I want you to rush out and buy them for me, but just for fun!

1. Red Seas Under Red Skies, Scott Lynch. Of course, this isn't out yet. But I need it.

2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J.K. Rowling. I can't believe this is even ON Amazon, since she hasn't finished writing it. But hey, we can dream.

3. Magic For Beginners, Kelly Link. This is supposed to be a really excellent short story collection.

4. The Darkness That Comes Before, R. Scott Bakker. Because the last thing I need to do is start a new fantasy series...

5. Ragamuffin, Tobias Buckell. I really liked Crystal Rain. This book isn't out yet.

6. The Duchess of Duke Street, Series One. I love me some old British T.V.

7. The Fall of the Kings, Ellen Kushner and Delia Sherman. Kushner is my new favorite thing. Well, Lies of Locke Lamora is also my new favorite thing. They are both quite different things, but I hope they won't mind sharing. Ellen Kushner writes fantasy that's more like alternate history, with a very literary style.

8. The Lord of the Rings Motion Picture Trilogy-- Special Extended Edition. It occurred to me that I don't have this, and I really don't know why. It seems like something I would have! But I never got around to buying any of the movies except my VHS copy of the first one.

9. Shadowplay, Tad Williams. I liked Shadowmarch enough to want to see where he's going with it. Tad Williams is a fantasy author I always buy. Also not out yet.

10. Sports Night-- The Complete Series Boxed Set. I LOVED this TV show. It was so clever and had the snappiest dialogue. But it was cancelled after two seasons because it was a cross between drama and comedy and viewers didn't know what to think of it. Which makes me sort of bitter because we're watching the DVDs of Scrubs right now, a similar show from more recent years that managed to make it.

11. Rebel Angels, Libba Bray. I'm on this YA kick, and I liked the first one. Mystery and magic at a Victorian girls boarding school.

12. My Latest Grievance, Elinor Lipman. I buy everything Elinor Lipman writes because I love her and I want to be her when I grow up. If you want to read her, you should start with The Inn at Lake Devine, which is one of my favorite books in the history of ever.

13. Life As We Knew It, Susan Beth Pfeffer. Yeah, because just what the girl who lives in the wreckage of Katrina needs is post-apocalyptic YA.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Major Shopping Coup! A Story in Thirteen Acts

1. I went to Lakeside Mall, Esplanade Mall, and Magazine Street this week in what was beginning to seem like a futile search for a holiday dress. My college friend Ryan is getting married New Year's Eve, and I suddenly came to the realization that all women dread... I hated all my clothes and had... seriously... nothing... to wear.

2. My criteria: something shiny, under $100 but willing to stretch it as high as $120 (I have paid more for dresses I really, really liked, but this is a tricky financial month for me with tuition due early in January), a size 0-4, something red!, or gold!, preferably something to match my amazingly gorgeous gold velvet BCBG shoes which we all know I love. Honestly. It is the holiday season. These criteria should not be hard to fulfill. Right?

3. Wrong. There was nothing that called to me, "Wear me!" Even if it had been in my size, which most things weren't. I am just going to point out that it is actually really, really hard to shop when you are skinny. Especially if you are tall and skinny. It's like that whole thing with boob size-- women who want bigger ones don't realize that the women WITH bigger ones hate them and want smaller ones. I am so over being told, "Did you check in Juniors? They have your size there."

4. So today I went to Canal Place, which was my Last and Only Hope of finding a dress in New Orleans.

5. I went in BCBG and would not even allow myself to try on. It was an act of rigid willpower, since there were several cute, cute dresses. But I was committed to staying strictly on budget, since I have zero dollars to my name right now. No $300 dresses for Sarah.

6. I went to White House Black Market, even though I didn't want another black dress. (True to the name, they only sell dresses that are black... or white. Or sometimes beige or silver.) Unless it had some sort of trim or detailing that matched my gold shoes. And I sort of wanted red, too. I wanted color. Christmas-y color. So I sort of walked through the store quickly, then continued on my way.

7. In Ann Taylor I tried on a black strapless dress, with a rose pattern and a poofy skirt. It was on sale for $78. I had tried on the same dress at the other mall. It looked good, but... I told them to hold the size 0 while I did ONE last check to make sure there was absolutely nothing else.

8. Back at White House Black Market, scanning the sale rack with greater attention. Nothing really called to me, again, but then, I figured it couldn't hurt to see what a couple of them looked like on. I picked two dresses and went in the dressing room. The girl brought me black heels to test out the dress with. I zipped up the first dress, which was shiny and black, with off-white ribbon designs on the bodice, put on the shoes, and stepped out.
9. Both girls in the store were like, "Wow." I kind of agreed. I asked, "Why is this dress on the sale rack? It's gorgeous." They said you would be surprised... it didn't fit a lot of people quite right, and bunched up on the sides. It looked perfect on me, though. Must be my tiny Scarlett O'Hara-esque waist. The dress had nice retro lines to it. I am sucker for that look. It was growing on me by leaps.

10. The girl said, "Can I ask you why you wouldn't get it?"
I said I wasn't actually looking for black, because I had these other shoes.
"A lot of people have that problem," she said.
I said, "But I have equally nice and expensive black shoes that I am not opposed to wearing, either. And this dress is kind of perfect. I am starting to feel like it's meant to be."
She said, "I think that's the best I've seen that dress fit."
I said, "I'm not even trying the other one on. I know better than to question the shopping karma."

11. The dress was $168, which had been marked down to $130. It was on the additional 40% off rack. It rang up as $77. Seventy-seven dollars! Including tax! Whee! So by far the best dress I tried on ended up being the cheapest. I win... at life.

12. When I got home, I put on my dress and gloated for about half an hour. I even took pictures of myself in the mirror. I apologize for the crappy quality of the photos (I had to turn the flash off). I hope you get the general effect, though you can't see the lovely shininess, which is a pity. Sometimes you just need to pose and gloat.

13. Now I am watching White Christmas, thoroughly satisfied with myself. And that is one holiday shopping coup in the books!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Thirteen Things I Want to Do In My Life

1. Publish a book.

2. Purchase my own boat. Preferably of the 20-30 ft variety. Of course, one that sails. Any other kind hardly counts as a boat. (Sailors are snobs.)

3. Travel to Europe.

4. Travel to Africa.

5. Live in an old Victorian house. (With a tower? Dare I hope?)

6. Learn some kind of martial art.

7. Play Star Wars: KOTOR 3. If they ever get around to making it. Sigh.

8. OK, so now we're getting a little off topic because I technically don't have any control over these things, but can I watch another Firefly/Serenity movie? I would certainly want to do that in my life. If someone, ahem, made one.

9. Learn to cook good desserts. I don't know how to make any desserts, except cake out of the box.

10. Have one wall that is entirely built-in bookshelves.

11. Go into space! Do you think, maybe, in like 50 years, this will be something we can just up and do? Maybe? I wonder if the vastness would freak me out completely. But then, I majored in philosophy. I think I could handle it.

12. Wake up in the morning and be able to actually SEE. That is, before I stumble into the bathroom to put in contacts with strength -5.75 into each eye. I am totally sketched out by Lasik, because I don't trust people with lasers around my eyeballs, but I really might get it someday.

13. Own a house in the Adirondacks. I could "summer" there. I could watch the fog hover above the lake in the mornings, and listen to loons, and go canoeing. Just a little crappy camp, that's all. It doesn't even need a road, as long as it has a dock.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thirteen Mysteries About My Cat

I could watch my Jolee all day. Because he is just such a cute fluffball. He knows it. He is terribly vain. Pondering him this evening, here are some mysteries that float to mind. (Does anyone else ponder their cat? He looks like he likes to be pondered. He is clearly posing. Clearly.)

1. Where he came from before he was here. (He was trapped! On the streets, last January!)

2. Why he loves me so much.

3. Yet is terrified of everyone else.

4. How old he is. (The vet guesses three or four.)

5. Why he is so fascinated by watching the bathwater drain. (Isn't this sort of like the old cliche of watching paint dry?)

6. Why he can't allow me to go to the bathroom without him. He could be on the other side of the house, asleep, and when I start to pee, he comes running. Seriously, running.

7. Whether his fur will get any longer (dear lord, I hope not).

8. Why he has giant mutant feet.

9. Whether he was indoors or outdoors during Katrina. Poor cat!

10. Why he has a scary post-dinner meow. It is about four times louder than his usual meow and sounds like he's being strangled.

11. Who his other people were, and whether they miss him.

12. Why he sometimes gets himself stuck in his Palace of Poo. (This is what I call his litter box with a lid.) He uses it several times a day. He KNOWS how the door works. Yet sometimes he gets stuck in it, usually late at night, and feels the need to paw the door loudly for ten minutes until we yell at him. Then he gets up the balls to push through the swinging door and just hops out. I think he does it to be annoying.

13. Why he likes the smell of feet.

And now I have to go because he is head-butting my chair. Did I mention that last night he knocked my LAPTOP off the table onto the floor? He has jealousy issues with my laptop.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thirteen Really Random Things and Then Back to Writing

1. I am supposed to be writing. So this is going to be a quick, random, and scattered Thirteen.

2. The Cox cable guy just left. He had been here since I woke up. In fact, he woke me up by ringing the doorbell. Our digital channels appear to actually work now. Though at one point he drove off somewhere in his truck, leaving his coat on the back of one of our dining room chairs and leaving me slightly confused. Luckily, he came back.

3. I always feel slightly awkward when people are in my house to fix things. Do I offer them coffee? Do I have to talk to them, or should I go about my business? Because really, I wanted to be writing.

4. Which reminds me of one of my co-workers' Cox cable guy story. This summer the Cox cable guy exposed himself to her! She ended up having to move and everything! And her dad is an attorney in Metairie and is sueing them. It really isn't funny at all. But the way she told the story... I admit it makes me crack up a bit to think about it. So here I am drinking coffee with a sweater pulled on over my PJ's, hoping I am unattractive enough in the morning not to entice the Cox cable guy to expose himself.

5. Speaking of which, this is me! Doing what I do all day when I am not at the restaurant! That is, being on my laptop either writing or internetting, unshowered and wearing my favorite very old J. Crew sweater and glasses. With coffee, naturally.

6. This is my "Russian peasant girl" look. I always say this, and people laugh. But I swear it is true. When I wake up in the morning, before my eyes are open all the way and without makeup, I resemble a Slavic peasant girl. I do not know where this came from. Well, yes I do. My dad's entire side of the family is Eastern European of some variety or another, but mainly Hungarian by way of what is now geographically Croatia. But the point is, I seem to have gotten all those genes, which results in me looking vaguely ethnic, more so than most of my immediate family. For instance, I have very light blue eyes and brown hair, my features are somewhat round, and I have darker coloring around my eyes such that I rarely put on eyeshadow. I have actually been asked in bars where I am from.

7. Which is a bit ridiculous because I am pretty obviously American.

8. I also get asked, at least 3 times a week, whether my eyes are real. Which they are. I wear contacts, but not colored ones. I have had very blue eyes all my life, so I ought to be used to it by now. Besides, it is usually people I am waiting on, so it is best not to roll one's eyes and just say thank you.

9. Today I need to get kitty litter for Da Kittiest. Can't forget that.

10. And I work the night shift.

11. I want to be at 20,000 words in NaNoWriMo before I leave for work. I will still be egregiously behind, but I don't really care. I "won" last year, so this year it is more about the motivation. I was in the middle of a couple other projects, so this novel was sort of a last minute idea. By that I mean I had been thinking about the characters for a while, because they featured in a short story I was writing, but I hadn't given great thought to a larger plot. I don't think I'll hit 50K in a month. I'm too far behind, and I have a lot more going on. But even if I don't win, I want to have kicked myself in the butt and made myself write. That is what it is about for me. If I got 35K done, I'd be happy. Then I can finish next month.

12. I am enjoying writing in a humorous voice, though. I think it's the voice that comes most naturally to me, and I've only used it in a very few stories.

13. I want to keep going with this project, though, because I think it has a bit more marketability than my other novel. In terms of first novels, anyway. I also think it will stand alone in a stronger way.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Thirteen Things About Me & NaNoWriMo

1. I suck at it. Or at least I do this year. I feel like I have been massively busy with class and other things. Therefore I am 6,000 words behind today.

2. But I have a massive catch-up strategy I am employing today.

3. Last year I won. My novel was called Dangerous City, Dark Skyway. It is currently stuck in the re-write process, and I must admit, a little stalled.

4. This year's effort does not have a title yet.

5. My main character is named Claudia Nuevos. She is a con artist who basically seduces men and steals their ships. She decides to go after the richest man on the planet, and gets rather more than she bargained for.

6. It takes place on a moon called Calliope.

7. I'm writing in first person, present tense, which is odd for me, because I usually only use it for short stories. I'm trying for sort of a chick-lit tone. Except in scifi.

8. My name on the forum is Jedisluzer. I haven't been posting much, though. When I get caught up, I probably will.

9. I shamelessly took two days off for the election. That was what screwed me. Before that I was caught up.

10. I think there are a lot of people who do NaNoWriMo and don't take it seriously. For example, there are forums where people play stupid games to pad their word count. I don't get involved in any of that. For me, it's more about forcing myself to write a LOT. All at once. Every day. Because my goal is to become a professional, and NaNoWriMo helps me to enforce a writing schedule on myself.

11. The widget on the left under my picture and profile link very handily tells you how much I've written -- and how far behind I am.

12. For example. This entry so far has been 330 words long. And it took me just a couple of minutes to write. If I get on a roll, I ought to be able to get a lot done today.

13. The Democrats are in the House! Whooooo! And the Senate! (OK, sorry, and apologizes to anyone reading this who does not feel the same way, that just slipped out...)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thirteen Things I Love About Firefly

1. If someone designed a science fiction show precisely for me, it would look just like this. I really don't know how they did it.

2. I think it has the best female characters I've seen in sci fi. One's a mechanic, one's a warrior, one's a geisha-type, and the fourth is a paranoid schizophrenic killing machine. They all have talents. They all have personalities. None of them is the "token girl."

3. The "Jaynestown" episode is possibly the funniest hour of TV ever. The crew lands on a crappy rural moon where it turns out Jayne, the ship's muscle who has a mercenary outlook on life and isn't very bright, is a local hero. He even has his own folk song. I could watch this episode a million times and still be amused.

4. Jayne. 'Cause, well... yeah.

5. The dialogue is great.

6. The space western aesthetic. Because it reminds me of Star Wars before CGI. Because the space opera genre and the western genre have a lot in common to begin with. I think it works. Fox didn't, but then, no one's ever said they're a tasteful network.

7. So many quotably funny lines.

Mal: Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die.
Zoe: Yes Sir. Because it's a deathtrap.

Wash: Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired… from a… fry-cook opportunity.

8. And the movie Serenity is awesome too!

9. River's crazy fits... she says out-of-context yet oddly prophetic things.

10. You can tell the characters were very well thought out, right down to the little details of the things they wear.

11. They drive a piece-of-junk ship, Serenity. I love that it's a piece of junk. I love that lived-in look. Again, it's what I enjoy about the first Star Wars movies.

12. It's inspirational because it's the kind of sci fi I am writing, and I was worried that people wouldn't be interested in something that couldn't make up its mind whether it was comedy or drama and was about people instead of big technology ideas. But Firefly has a huge fan base. So there. I'll just keep writing.

13. "I don't care, I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me..." Damn straight.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thirteen Things About Me and Sorority Life

1. I was a Chi Omega.

2. I didn't pledge until my junior year, because I thought I was the kind of girl who hated sororities on principle. They had to give me 2 bids before I gave in.

3. My nickname was Flounder. Because we all had nicknames from Animal House, and it was someone's idea of a good joke. Hmph. I more often went by my last name, though, or Sketchy T.

4. We used to have a Super Secret Midnight Event that culminated in several of us going to the bar in our pajamas. But if I told you what it was, I'd have to kill you.

5. I have a pair of Chi Omega handcuffs. I like to tell guys this. They're from our Screw Your Sister semi-formal, a lovely event where your friends picked your date for you and then handcuffed you together for the night. Luckily, mine picked my friend Packy, and we chugged 3/4 of a Nalgene of Jim Beam in the bus before we even got there. Debauchery ensued.

6. After Katrina, Chi O alums singlehandedly furnished my temporary apartment in Boston.

7. And clothed me. Mike was impressed and a bit scared at the volume of boxes arriving daily.

8. Epsilon Kappa House Corp also mailed me a much-needed $500! I was supremely grateful. I love everyone in Chi O! Love!

9. The Epsilon Kappa chapter is having their 25th anniversary in two weeks. I can't go to the festivities because I'm going to be at a wedding in Rochester. It really sucks that I'm going to be so close-- actually in the state of New York-- and miss it. I am especially bummed about missing the party at the Hoot.

10. A sorority is a great thing to join if you like T-shirts. I have about 10 Chi O T-shirts. Of course I still wear them around. After Katrina, the house sent me... more T-shirts! Oh, and glassware. You should join a sorority if you like glassware too. Although I wish I hosted more social occasions that call for my giant glass Senior Banquet beer pitcher...

11. We had an intramural team. Our motto was "REFUSE TO LOSE, PREFER TO BOOZE."

12. My favorite songs were the ones about drinking beer. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to repeat them here, or if they're also super-secret. At inopportune moments (like at Rush when we had to hide anything alcoholic), I was apt to break out into the beer songs. Also, I used to flash the house during serious ceremonies.

13. I was famous for doing really weird things, sometimes when completely sober. Sometimes not. At meeting every Sunday we gave out joke awards. For example, I have in my scrapbook right here The Holiday Spirit Award, which I received in March for finding our Christmas wreath (which Beta had stolen months earlier) in a snowbank in the street, getting freaked out because I thought it was a dead animal, then putting it around my neck and wearing it home. I was wearing a purple bedsheet toga at the time as well. As my friend Nellie once said, "And then there are people like Sarah, who always get awards because they do stupid shit every weekend."

I'll leave you on that note.

Thursday, October 5, 2006

Thirteen Good British Things

In honor of the fact that this week's BBC drama (I am the sort of person who has a "this week's BBC drama") from Netflix is The Way We Live Now, I offer a list of thirteen other British Things I like.

1. My Fair Lady

2. Swallows and Amazons (Arthur Ransome)

3. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

4. Wives and Daughters (Elizabeth Gaskell... and BBC)

5. The Forsyte Saga (John Galsworthy... and BBC)

6. North and South (Elizabeth Gaskell... and BBC)

7. The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)

8. The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis... and, by jove! BBC. I sense a pattern.)

9. The Importance of Being Ernest (Oscar Wilde)

10. Monty Python

11. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)

12. The Duchess of Duke Street (BBC)

13. The word "dodgy" and the word "minging."

Oh, all right, that's 14 things, but I ran out of space. There are ever so many more books and movies I wish I could add, too.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thirteen Favorite Places To Eat Out In New Orleans

This isn't a list of the best places to eat in New Orleans, necessarily, just the places I eat most often. That's why many of them are on the cheaper end, because, well, if I ate at the big flagship restaurants all the time, I'd have no dollars.

1. Commander's Palace (It is just that classy. I want my 25 cent martini.)

2. Camellia Grill
I once sat at the counter at the Camellia Grill in lingerie at 1 AM. True story. It was wonderful (well, it was Halloween). No one blinked an eye. I used to live right around the corner from the Camellia Grill. People have plastered it with love notes on Post-Its since Katrina. Please re-open soon, Camellia Grill. I need chili cheese fries. Word word.

3. Sukho Thai (This was my Last Supper out in New Orleans pre-K.)

4. Basil Leaf Thai (So I like Thai...)

5. Nacho Mama's (Somehow every time we go out to lunch, we end up sitting on Magazine Street having margaritas. Why is that?)

6. Upperline (I love Upperline. I love the art. I love the food. Love.)

7. Bacco (I ate this orgasmic appetizer the last time I was there.)

8. Galatoire's

9. Port of Call (Burgers and baked potatoes-- I love the baked potato.)

10. Jacque-Imo's

11. Reginelli's (I am throwing them a shout-out because they kept us from starving in January when nothing was open in the evening and we had no fridge. They were the ONLY place open and delivering.)

12. La Crepe Nanou

13. Roly Poly (I cheated, because Roly Poly is a chain, and anyway, you don't eat there. It's more like fast food. However, the amount of money I spend there is perfectly ridiculous-- seriously, I might as well just give up and live there-- so I thought they deserved a mention. In fact, now that I've given it a mention, I think I should go there right now...)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Thirteen Restaurant Diners I Hate

Boba Fett stands by ready and willing to fire on those who commit these crimes in the presence of Sarah. He pities da fool who makes a fool of himself in a restaurant. I don't come into your office or your house and be rude to you. Ya heard?

1. Mr. "What? You don't have Bud Light? Ew. I'll make a face at your beer list. Then I'll order a water." Dude. We've been over this before. I suppose it makes sense, though, because you're practically ordering a water anyhow when you order a Bud Light.

2. The people who ask for every random item under the sun to be brought to their table... and then don't tip. Invariably, the most demanding people tip the least. It's some kind of rule.

3. People who accuse the restaurant of performing false advertising by claiming to be a seafood restaurant. "BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SEAFOOD ON THE MENU." I point out that there are at least ten seafood dishes on the menu. I point to them. "YOU DON'T HAVE A FRIED SEAFOOD PLATTER. YOU ARE NOT A SEAFOOD RESTAURANT." Thanks for clearing that up. Now I'm going to have to go in the walk-in and disappoint the one hundred frozen dead fish back there by telling them they aren't fish and they died for nothing. Oy. Also, fried food people don't tip. It's another rule. Your tip is, like, inversely proportional to the number of times someone at a table asks if you can fry that. The fried food rule. It's an exact science.

4. "Campers." This is what we call guests who sit FOR-EVER. I realize that you are the guest and you can do whatever you want because you are paying. HOWEVER. Order an appetizer, or a cocktail, or something. True story. I once had a table come in at 7:45, eat two cheeseburgers, a coffee, and a (free) water, and stay until 11:45 PM. As in, the staff was taking the restaurant apart around them. When I got the tip, it was $5.00, which was quite proper because they only ordered $30 worth of food. I was so angry by the end that I sent someone else to pick up the signed copy of the credit card slip, because I didn't even want to look at them. What I'm trying to say is, if you're going to sit forever, make sure what you're ordering is proportional to the amount of time you sit. To do otherwise is horribly rude.

5. Guests who get angry at the menu, or the prices. You know, you could look at it before you are seated. I always do. I thought everybody did.

6. Guests who attempt to inform me of things about the menu, as if they know more than me. I once had this lady who leaned over and, very conversationally, said to me, "You told me this lemonade was sweetened. But really, it isn't." I said, "Actually, it is fresh-squeezed and has sugar in it." And she smiled and said, "No, it doesn't," as if she was doing me a favor informing me so I would know what to tell people next time. I smiled and left the table. Argh. We make the lemonade in the morning. Don't tell me what is or is not in it.

7. Guests who try to pay me $5 to go across the street to the Walgreen's and buy some ranch dressing, because we don't have it.

8. Diners who order things and then try to tell me it's not what they ordered. Like, Ms. "But my meat is all red!" Yes, yes it is. You ordered it medium. If you don't know how you like your food cooked, just describe for me what you want, and I can help you. I had this lady who wanted a bone-in ribeye well-done and butterflied. When she got it, it was chopped up into smaller bits on the plate and wasn't as pretty as everyone else's, and she said, "This isn't what I ordered." Her husband laughed and said, "Yes, it's exactly what you ordered."

9. People who lie. This is really awkward for me to deal with, because the customer is supposed to be right, and all that. But if you make stuff up that I know is wrong, I am left standing there sort of flabbergasted, because I know you're just making it up. Last week some people demanded to be moved because they wanted a table by the window, and they told me it was their regular table and they always sat there. It is utterly embarrassing to pretend to be a regular when it is your first time in the restaurant. We work there. We know.

10. People who throw an unsightly fit. Once we had a totally classily-dressed woman throw a screaming fit because the restaurant wouldn't push two tables together for her. Then she ordered the rest of her party to leave, even though some of them had already ordered and kept trying to get her to sit down and stop making a scene. Don't do that. It embarrasses the staff, the rest of your party, and the other diners. It should embarrass you, but I guess you have no shame.

11. Diners who tip just under 15%. Why? IT'S ANOTHER FREAKIN' DOLLAR. Who are you? WHO ARE YOU?

12. Diners who leave cute notes and smileys on the signed credit card copy and/or gush to my manager about how great I was... and don't tip. OK, no. Does a smiley pay my rent, or buy my cat food? Do not leave praise in lieu of a tip. I actually dread seeing cute notes on the credit card slip because so often they are in lieu of a tip.

13. "The Five." These are the people who always tip five dollars. Good service, bad service. $8 cheeseburger, or $30 bottle of wine and a $28 filet. It's a five dollar bill for everyone. Equality, you see. Usually they do it in advance, too. When you go to drop the check and you see the five out on the table, it is not a good sign. It's like you go back in the kitchen and say, "Ugh, Table 84 has the five out. I saw it."

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thirteen Things Video Games Have Given Me A Chance To Do That I Will Never In a Million Years Do in Real Life

I am not a huge video game person. I mean, I played the classic Sierra games of the 80's, a bit of Castle Wolfenstein, and hours and hours of Snood and Spider. Then Mike bought Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, or, as we call it around here, "The Game." I became obsessed in a way that bordered on unhealthy. Who knew? But there are a lot of fun things video games let "you" (or your character) do that you will never, ever in a million years be able to do in real life. Such as:

1. I hypnotized a chicken. Really! I hypnotized it and told it to attack a sorceror. Unfortunately, it got squashed flat in about 10 seconds. Then I felt kind of bad.

2. I played a slot machine until I won enough money to buy a spaceship.

3. I walked in a room and waved my hand, and fifteen people instantly fell down dead. (I was kind of unstoppable in that game. Mildly ridiculous.)

4. I used the old Jedi mind trick to get out of paying for stuff ("You don't need to see his identification").

5. I became a hero to the Wookiee people. An entire planet of walking carpets worshipped me.

6. I got invited to party with the Sith. Ain't no party like a Sith party, 'cause a Sith party don't stop.

7. When people pissed me off, I just killed them.

8. I went around wearing tight black pants and a bikini that protected me like armor... but looked like a bikini!

9. And my boobs inexplicably didn't fall out when I fought!

10. I explored an alien toilet.

11. Some things I've carried around, you know, just in my pockets: a ladder, an ogre's head, 43 frag grenades, a scuba suit (complete with head bubble), an entire DEAD BODY...

12. I got swallowed by a whale and hung out inside its stomach.

13. I had a double-bladed purple lightsaber.

Thursday, September 7, 2006

Thirteen Things I Love About Sailing

You'll have to excuse me, I'm on another of my "wishing I was at summer camp" binges. I really think I might try to find a way to go next summer. I think it's time to face the fact that I can't go more than 2 summers without being at camp. Doesn't matter which camp. I am just one of those people. If you are one too, you understand.

Anyway. So I learned to sail at Camp Little Notch, worked on staff there for 2 years, then worked at Sail at Raquette Lake Girls Camp for another two years, then was Head of Small Crafts at Camp Matoaka in '04. I love me some small one-design boats and dinghies.

1. The cool water of Adirondack lakes. The crisp air rushing by.

2. The creaking sound that a boat makes when it heels over.

3. The fact that I can never remember what a particular piece of rigging is called, because I've worked with so many Brits that it is forever ingrained in my mind as the kicking strap, or the "kicker." Americans call it a boom vang, but I had to go look that up just now.

4. Flipping a Sunfish on purpose.

5. And seeing who can right it fastest. (Me. Despite weighing 30 pounds less than everyone else.)

6. It reminds me of Swallows and Amazons.

7. The smell of wet rope. I know, ew. But I do.

8. The smell of mildewy life jackets. (I might be kidding here. But I might not.)

9. I know what everything is called. Every part has a name. A rope is never just a rope. There is great comfort in this.

10. How a fiberglass hull feels under bare feet-- all warm and sloping.

11. The slap of tiny waves against the bow.

12. My sailor's tan. I MISS MY SAILOR'S TAN. For those of you not in the know, a sailor's tan is sort of like a farmer's tan... dark and with distinct lines. It comes from being out there all day, every day. It is usually recognizable by thick flip-flop lines on the feet, very brown shoulders cut off by a life jacket line (I know people who sail on larger boats don't necessarily wear life jackets, but I think if you are zipping around in a Laser or something where you're practically touching the water, you ought to have one), a fat line on the wrist from a waterproof sports watch, a fairly pale chest area, and a faint board shorts mark. Oh, fine. I don't really miss it because it is ugly. But then, I do.

13. Maintenance stuff. Like tying knots and setting out bumpers and making sure the mooring buoys are nice. And bailing. I secretly enjoy bailing. And going through a toolbox to find an extra bit, a pin or pulley or something, that matches the one you accidentally dropped in the lake. Fixing things. Boat soap.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Thirteen Reasons I Am Stressing Today

1. There is NO INTERNET at my house. NO INTERNET.

2. I am at CC's on Magazine and I have not washed my face. Which puts me in a bad mood because I feel gross.

3. I am in the middle of trying to save a cat who's going to be put to sleep tomorrow AM at a kill shelter an hour away.

4. If I go to pull the cat, and the place we have lined up for her falls through, Mike will kill me because no matter how much I cry and beg, we can't have another cat at our house.

5. But she looks just like my Janie who died last summer, and I can't leave her there. So I'm about to get in the car.

6. But I need to be back before 5:00 because I have to work.

7. The class I went to last night is going to majorly suck, and they're requiring me to buy a $100 calculator that's crappier than the TI-85 $100 calculator I currently have yet inexplicably am not allowed to use.

8. I cried last night about this cat. Even though I know cats are put to sleep every day and I can't save them all.

9. This black coffee is helping. I refuse to order my coffees tall or grande or whatever. I think it is pretentious and dumb, especially because tall is a small. I take the cue from one of my old boyfriends, who told me he boycotts the Starbucksization of our culture by walking in and pointedly ordering a LARGE BLACK COFFEE. This is what I did today.

10. I waste more gas with this animal rescue stuff. Oh well.

11. I missed a meeting I wanted to go to last night.

12. My Thursday Thirteen banner won't load because Blogger hates me. Again.

13. I forgot I have to pay $700 for health insurance, and I can't afford it this week. So it will have to wait. Luckily, I think it retroactively applies. And anyway, why would you send me a letter on Aug 23 telling me my insurance needed to be renewed by the 19th. Like, thanks guys. Way to be on the ball.

EDITED 1:20 PM TO ADD: Found out someone just pulled the 2 adult cats, so I didn't have to go get them. Yay whoever saved them!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thirteen Reasons I Am Not Doing Thursday Thirteen Today

1. I want to work on my short story-- as yet untitled, but I'm trying out SF with a chick lit voice and a slightly "off" heroine. Think Stephanie Plum mysteries except with spaceships. It is too much fun.

2. Blogger hates me today.

3. Still want to get that new website sorted out.

4. But I can't make up my mind on a header graphic, and therefore cannot make a color scheme, and therefore cannot make a website.

5. If I move my blog there, maybe Technorati will FREAKIN' PING ME for the first time in 46 days. It is driving me up the wall.

6. Got to run some errands, hopefully pick up some cat food.

7. Got to call some people.

8. Don't feel like being clever. Except in my story.

9. Got some important emails to send, to cat contacts and to friends/relatives.

10. There is no coffee made this morning. NO COFFEE! And I am too lazy to make it, so I am drinking English Breakfast instead. And it takes more English Breakfast to wake me up than coffee, therefore I am probably in the bathroom peeing and cannot make a TT.

11. I dreamed about summer camp last night, and you KNOW how much I love summer camp, so now I'm in the mood to lay out in the sun and go sailing, which I won't do because I don't have a boat... but I might go outside.

12. Crap, and I don't know what days my classes start and it might be next week.

13. And I need to renew my domain name or else there will be no new site and no new blog and everything I've done on that will just be a moot point. Oy!

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Thirteen Theories About Harry Potter

***!!! Spoilers for Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince... and I suppose all the other Harry Potter books, if you're one of the three people who hasn't read them yet.

1. I don't believe Harry Potter is going to be killed off.

2. Ron might not be safe, however. The funny red-haired sidekick is always the one to go. (See Firefly & Serenity.)

3. R.A.B. has got to be Regulus Black, Sirius' little brother who was a Death Eater. He's the only R.A.B. we know of, he's been previously mentioned, and it fits the plot. Alternatively, he's a red herring, but since he's hardly gotten a paragraph so far, he's not a very good red herring, is he? Seems more like a casual hint to me.

4. Plus, there's a locket found at Grimmauld Place in a throwaway moment in Book 5 when they're cleaning out the house.

5. And! In another throwaway subplot, Mundungus Fletcher is caught selling off stuff from Grimmauld Place. I remember thinking that subplot seemed sort of random on the first read-through. Anyone want to bet he's accidentally sold the Horcrux and part of Book 7 is Harry tracking it down?

6. I think Snape is still good. My whole basis for this is a conversation overheard in Book 6 where he's arguing with Dumbledore about how he "doesn't want to do it anymore," and Dumbledore says, "well, you promised," or something to that effect. This leads me to believe the "thing" Snape promised to do was kill him if it came to that, though the reason remains unknown.

7. Ginny's not going to let Harry dump her. We haven't seen the last of them.

8. I get the feeling Dumbledore's pet phoenix is important.

9. Ron and Hermione will end up together (if he doesn't die).

10. Draco will either be redeemed, because he can't bring himself to be a true Death Eater and follow in his father's footsteps, or be revealed as the wimp that he is underneath his bravado. We were heading in this direction in the end of Book 6. What we don't know yet is whether he is actually good, or just doesn't have the balls for a life of evil.

11. I also think it goes well with the theme we've had so far: isn't it something Sirius says, about how the world isn't divided up into good people and Death Eaters, because it doesn't work that way? Like how Snape hates Harry's father but protects Harry, even though he hates him by association. Draco and Harry will never like each other, but they might end up on the same side. Just feels like a theme.

12. There has to be a reason Dumbledore trusted Snape. His trust seems so lame and undeserved in the end of Book 6, but there may be something he's not saying. He was a smarter wizard than that.

13. The book better be out next summer! OK, this isn't a theory, but we usually get them every other summer, and the last one was 2005. Plus I will spontaneously combust if it doesn't come out.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Thirteen Facts About Katrina Cats

1. An estimated 250,000 pets were left behind during Hurricane Katrina.

2. This means that many of the strays running wild and free on the streets of New Orleans today were once someone's pet. I see stray dogs and cats every time I get in my car. It is very sad to imagine that they probably stopped waiting for their people to come back for them a long time ago.

3. There are, or were, over 4,000 food and water stations in the New Orleans metro area and the surrounding parishes. Tomorrow I'll go to the West Bank to cover about 45 of those. I sometimes ponder whether it does any good... but I saw kittens last week. And if they get used to coming where the food is, maybe they can be trapped... and get to go live somewhere safe where a person will pet them and they won't get attacked by feral dogs and their quality of life is better. Not only that, but it kills me to think that a cat who was once loved by someone is now starving to death and wondering what they did to deserve this.

4. TNR stands for Trap Neuter Return. This is a program in which stray and feral cats are systematically trapped, spayed or neutered, and returned to the streets or to colonies where someone makes sure they are fed.

5. Usually the vet will clip the cat's ear so it is easy to tell which ones have already been spayed/neutered. My cat has a tipped ear but as you can see he is still very handsome!

6. An unaltered female cat can produce 420,000 kittens in seven years (well, not personally, but through the generations). Isn't that crazy? So spay your cat!

7. With so many animals left on the streets after Katrina, we are already seeing the second generation of kittens.

8. Spaying and neutering strays cuts down on the amount of noise and nuisance; ie: they are less likely to be fighting and yowling under your window because they will not be mating.

9. Cats can be trapped humanely.

10. Someone I know caught 30 cats last week that had been sighted around various food/water stations. Adult strays can be resocialized and adopted, kittens can be adopted, and ferals can be fixed so they will no longer reproduce.

11. If you live in a disaster-prone area, have an evacuation plan for your pet. (Mine involves having a bunch of food/water, a carrier, a car, and experience sneaking illegal things into hotel rooms disguised as other things.)

12. You can also get your pet microchipped. Once you register the chip online, any vet anywhere can scan your pet's chip and bring up your contact information. The chip goes right between the shoulder blades.

13. Please consider adopting a cat from a shelter! I know I say this all the time, but just look how pretty my shelter cat is! :-) Buying from pet stores and backyard breeders just encourages people to be irresponsible with their pets and not spay or neuter them. 30% of shelter pets are purebred. This means somebody thought it would be "fun" to breed them, and then adopted them to people who they didn't do a background check on and who later dumped the pets in a shelter when they weren't cute babies anymore. This makes Jolee Bindo mad, and you don't want to make him mad, because he bites!

(I guess I've had a glut of cat posts this week... well, before that it was a long dry spell with no cat posts, so we'll just think of it as making up for lost time. I read some article about how to be a popular blogger that said, "DO NOT BLOG ABOUT YOUR CAT." But it contradicted itself elsewhere in the article, so I took it with a grain of salt, because an English major would not do that. And English majors like cats. Because they are writers. And writers are cat people. Hemingway had many-toed cats. And I have a many-toed cat! Alas, that does not make me Hemingway.)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Thirteen Things I Hate About the Star Wars Prequels

(Boba Fett says: I pity da fool who likes the Prequel Trilogy!)
People who were around for the thirteen reasons I hate the Star Wars Special Editions probably know what they are in for. It is SO MUCH FUN to rant on topics about which one is knowledgeable. And, well. I know Star Wars. Oh, I know Star Wars. I know it to a degree that induces strangers to suggest that I need to go out of doors more often. So believe me when I say that all the hate I am about to dispense, I dispense out of love. Pardon me if I begin to foam at the mouth in a geekly frenzy. And when you are finished, go down to the post below and tell Jolee Bindo he is pretty. Thank you. With that said, here goes:

1. Jar Jar Binks. You knew it was coming, so let's just get that one over with and move on to the real meat of the hate.

2. How Padme died of a broken heart and lost the will to live. Oh come on. Seriously? Seriously? The woman was married to Darth Vader. One would think Lucas could come up with something more interesting and less... Victorian... than dying in childbirth of a broken heart.

3. Padme. A feminist deconstruction of Padme follows: She sucks. She is a decorative yawn of a useless female character who doesn't do anything. Really, you have to wonder where her daughter got her spunk from, 'cause damn.

4. The dialogue was lame. Especially the cringe-inducing "romance" dialogue in Attack of the Clones.

5. Continuity errors. "Do you remember your mother? Your real mother?" Luke asks Leia in Return of the Jedi. And then you have her die in childbirth. Oh sure, people try to hedge around it and come up with wacky theories (she remembers because they spoke in the womb using the Force, Leia thought Luke meant her mother on Alderaan, blah blah), but let's just admit what it really is: it's a huge glaring hole in the story that didn't have to happen.

6. One of my favorite aspects of settings like the original Star Wars and the Firefly 'verse is the lived-in rusted-out look. Lucas wanted it that way originally, because it made space different and fresh and real. Why he gave it up I do not know. The problem with CGI is if you use the right amount, impossible things come to life before the viewers' eyes. Use too much of it, everything looks fake. The prequels look fake to me.

7. There is a poop joke in The Phantom Menace. I think this is one of those things I'll never get over.

8. That creature with the lips in Jabba's Palace! I hate that thing!... Oh, fine, you got me, that was in the Special Edition. I am raving. I admit it. But I hate that thing with the diamond shaped head in the pod race. I hate that thing too, and it also lives on Tattooine, so #8 on my 13 has not been completely wasted.

9. Why did we even need to have Anakin as a little kid? Lord, that was annoying. Can we say marketing gimmick? Can we say merchandising? ("Moychandising! Moychandising! They put the picture's name on everything! Spaceballs the Lunch Box! Spaceballs the Breakfast Cereal!") But here's the little secret Lucas and his crew must have missed. News flash: I was five when I saw Star Wars for the first time. I still remember it. I loved it at first sight. Were there any kids in the original Star Wars? No, there were not. But ask my generation and the Gen Xers whether it mattered to them.

10. Pandering to the fans. They liked Boba Fett? Put him in! They liked C3PO and R2? Put them in! They liked Chewbacca? Put him in! Never mind that this is all highly, highly implausible in terms of plot.

11. Oh! Speaking of which (geez, get me going and off I go! I'm on a roll!), if Anakin Skywalker built 3PO and he and Artoo tagged around with the main characters for the ENTIRETY OF THE PREQUELS, why would Ben Kenobi not recognize them in Star Wars?

12. It didn't feel like Star Wars to me. To borrow a term from writers' workshops, it didn't "work." Nobody's motivations "worked" for me because we never got more than a superficial feel for the characters. Especially Anakin. He came across as more of a whiny teenager than a real villain. It was disappointing. It could have been so much more. This really came home to me in November, when I started playing Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. How come a video game felt more like classic Star Wars to me than the prequel trilogy? It seems like sacrilege. But they just got the atmosphere spot-on. The prequel trilogies, and the Clone Wars plot in general, felt like the sort of plot I would come up with when I was tired and out of ideas, patched together from a bunch of crap in my head, that I would edit the hell out of later, when I felt more inspired, because the story was lame and lacked spice.

13. Crap. No more space in the 13 and so much hate left to dispense! Yet, I feel benevolent tonight, so I will now dispense some love. I love Aayla Secura. Love. Her. And she was in the prequels. So there. If only we'd had more hot blue Twi'lek Jedi and less Jar Jar, it would all have been shiny.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Thirteen Favorite Canned Soups

For a blog entitled "Still Life With Soup Can," I believe I don't have nearly enough posts about soups... in cans. And I dare say there is no one alive who loves soups in cans more than I do. I'm a canned soup connoisseur. Today I will show my appreciation for 13 top-of-the-line canned soups.

1. Progresso's Chickarina. Chicken! And mystery meatballs! In one soup, together in a marriage of bliss! I love this soup.

2. Campbell's Chunky's Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables. Potatoes, veggies, and mini burgers, complete with little mini char lines from what I assume are little mini grills somewhere. How. Cute.

3. Campbell's Mushroom Soup. A classic. May it continue to make casseroles for many years to come. This is the one canned soup I will eat straight out of the can. (Little known dirty secret about me. Seriously. You can ask my dad. It's so good.)

4. Campbell's Select's Three Cheese Mushroom Ravioli with Vegetables.

5. Progresso's Chicken and Long Grain Wild Rice.

6. Healthy Choice's Zesty Gumbo. Doesn't taste a thing like real gumbo, but nor does it taste healthy.

7. Campbell's Select's Roasted Chicken With Rotini & Penne Pasta. Notable for a reason similar to #1 Chickarina: two kinds of pasta in one soup!

8. Campbell's Select's Chicken With Egg Noodles. Really no different from Campbell's Chunky's Classic Chicken Noodle, or Progresso's Chicken Noodle, but usually gets the edge because it is 30-50 cents cheaper.

9. Progresso's Turkey Noodle. I always remember that one of the poultry-variety Progressos has mushrooms in it, but can't remember which one. The other day I was pleased to rediscover, totally by accident, the fact that it is Turkey Noodle. That's what the world needs: more soups with mushrooms.

10. Campbell's Chunky's Chicken and Mushroom Chowder. !!!! What! I've never seen it! I must have it! I was just on their site looking up soups, and it is listed there. That's what I'm saying: more soups with mushrooms.

11. Progresso's Roasted Chicken Italiano. This one is rather tasty.

12. Progresso's Chicken and Herb Dumplings. I like these weird little dumplings. Yum.

13. Campbell's Chicken Noodle. I have moved on to the more sophisticated end of the canned soup spectrum these days, but this is where it all began.