Still Life With Soup Can: May 2006

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I Link, Therefore I Am

Just my daily scouring of the net before I leave for the horrendous double-shift Wednesday. Article in today's Times Picayune on how to donate books for the Hurricane Katrina rebuilding effort here. I remember when I thought my books had been destroyed by the ceiling collapse. It was absolutely the worst prospect I could imagine. I remember that tears came to my eyes when I saw my two shelves, standing untouched, with a pool of water on the floor that came right up to them and just stopped, inches away. I think I am going to get on down to the book sales they're doing at Latter Library and buy some used books. The money goes to fix the libraries that got flooded.

Writer Beware on the Barbara Bauer thing that went down last week, covered at length by Miss Snark and others. Barbara Bauer is a scam agent who suckers unsuspecting new writers. She has a history of going around the internet flaming people who say bad things about her, and this caused a huge backlash among writer types over the weekend when she managed to get Absolute Write, a resource site, shut down. You almost feel sorry for the woman, but then, she does advertise her services as an agent and has yet to prove she has actually sold a work to a paying market. You get what you give. Anyway, it is a brilliant example of what a grassroots campaign across the internet can accomplish through tagging and linking. Today if you go to Google and run a search, several sites listing Barbara Bauer as a scam instantly pop up on the front page.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Oh, For the Love of Hockey

Just got back from Cooter Brown's, where we celebrated the Sabres scoring 4:22 into OT to send the series to Game 7. Surprisingly enough, several other people at Cooter's seemed to let out a cheer. Who knew? Appropriately, we were drinking Molson Canadians. Cooter Brown's is pretty much the only bar in New Orleans where you can order that.

Is there anything better than an overtime goal? No really, is there?

Important things to ponder...

Monday, May 29, 2006

Holy Names Reunion Fun

Well, not an official reunion, but I met up with my high school friends at Maria's wedding yesterday. It was really good to see everyone, since I am frequently the one out of touch. (I'm the only one who moved.) So from left we are: me, Maria (bride), Kerry (maid of honor), Melissa, and Gretchen. I really loved the black in the dresses. Afterward we went to Melissa's house and hung out for a couple hours, until I realized that it was midnight and I had to get up at 5 AM to catch my flight. How strange that you can be in Albany at 7:30 AM, and back in New Orleans again before noon. I guess I am not suited to the jetsetting lifestyle, because this fascinates me every time I fly.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Thirteen Good Things That Happened To Me Because of Hurricane Katrina

In the interest of positive thinking...

1. I moved in with Mike. This was a huge risk, since we had only been dating a little over a month when Katrina hit. Luckily, it worked out. My sweetie is the best. :-)

2. I got out of my dead-end legal secretary job. This was the post-quitting-law-school temp job that lasted a year. You should probably not get a temp job that lasts a year in a field that really bores you. That's some advice. It was sort of liberating to realize I didn't have to go anymore.

3. It got me back in touch with friends and relatives I hadn't talked to in a while.

4. I did National Novel Writing Month. Though I am still polishing the book, with a goal of being finished by August, a huge portion of the work was done during November. It gave me the jump start I needed, and the taste of what a real writing lifestyle could be like.

5. I got to live in Boston for a few months. It's always cool to try out living in a new city.

6. While I was there, I got to hang out with Chrissy and some other people I hadn't seen since I moved to New Orleans.

7. My new car has air conditioning that actually works all the time. And, thanks to my FEMA money, I could even sort of afford it. (Sorry, old car.)

8. Reconfirmed my belief that the girls of the Epsilon Kappa chapter of Chi Omega are the awesomest and most generous people around. Frankly, I think Mike was a little in awe of the way you guys got stuff done for us. I am so, so glad I decided to pledge four years ago. It was absolutely the right decision.

9. If Katrina hadn't happened, I wouldn't have my Jolee. (Despite the fact that we are not speaking due to the swollen black hole in my upper lip, I love the kitty.)

10. I got to see my mom race at Head of the Charles, and RPI beat BU... in the same weekend!

11. I have some crazy stories now. (Such as: leaving at the last minute on Sunday, watching the puddles rise along I-10 as the rain started, and sleeping on the ground at a rest area southwest of Birmingham. Or the guy who pulled us over in Ohio for speeding, saw Mike's ID and all our crap haphazardly piled in the backseat, and said we had enough to worry about.)

12. It has been really interesting to watch the rebuilding effort here. It makes you feel like you are a part of something. I wonder if, in the future, New Orleans citizens will be separated into "People Who Were Here For Katrina" and "People Who Weren't." I will be able to say that I was here.

13. I kind of do love New Orleans. Weird, huh?

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Nejer mide, 'e'th yourth, take the little athhole

Got home from work to find Jolee waiting for me at the door. Happy meow! Happy meow! Took my uniform off, hunted in the dresser for PJ's, saw cat meowing at my feet. I know he hates to be picked up, but he seems to be getting better with repeated attempts. DID NOT EVEN PICK HIM UP ALL THE WAY. Just lifted his front feet off the ground to give him a kiss on the head, which I do all the time. I must have snuck up behind him, he didn't see me coming or he's just a huge spaz, because he whips around and puts one of his front claws...

... THROUGH MY LIP.

Ran to the bathroom and watched blood pour out of my mouth into the sink. I have a paper towel stuck in there, and it seems to be under control now. I'm sure this is going to look wonderful when it starts to swell. I'm sure I was in the mood for a dinner of solid food rather than a shake sucked through a straw, but WE DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT, DO WE? Now he is sitting at my elbow being all furry and sweet.

Argh. I petted him. Temptation is the devil's specialty.

Back Off My Jolee

One of my little amusements is to check out the bizarre and varied places my traffic comes from. (You would be so disturbed by some of the search terms that get people here.) Yesterday I got a bunch of visitors because someone on the Petfinder forums was doing blog searches and posting Katrina cats that were adopted out. Wow, am I feeling possessive right now. "But he's my Jolee," I thought.

I shouldn't be worried that his original owner will find him. When I first adopted him, I did a huge internet search to make sure he didn't match the photos or descriptions of any missing cats that were posted. I didn't want to steal someone's pet. Since then, I believe I'd be wary of giving him to someone who said he was theirs... he wasn't neutered until Best Friends picked him up, for one thing. I don't believe he's purebred because, though he has seal points, his cream colored parts are spotted with brown and he doesn't have the smushed face. Therefore, there is no reason not to neuter your cat. Also, I've observed that he is very skittish around men in particular. He will make friends with women, but men's voices drive him under the bed. I don't know what this means, but it does make me kind of wary of his history.

Sigh. I know people mean well. And I know I'd want my cat back if I was in that situation. But it makes me uneasy. Because he loves ME. He knows that his name is Jolee and that I am his person. I wouldn't want him to be traumatized again; I think he has gone through enough.

Speaking of which, it is almost hurricane season and I need to buy him a cat carrier. Because it's his evacuation plan!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Da Kitty Kitty is Upside Downy -- AW!

Oh, Britney

I think the GFY girls' "Letters of Fug" from Britney Spears are freakin' hilarious. Today's accompanying photo is simultaneously frightening and delightful. Let's face it, Britney is barefoot-walking Cheeto-eating proof that neither money nor fame can buy class. And there is just something so delicious about her current tackiness. Maybe it's because all my guy friends in college had a poster of her as a Catholic schoolgirl on their dorm room walls, while I personally thought she kinda looked like a chipmunk. Maybe it's because she's not that talented. (For this same reason, I also find the train wreck that is supposed recording "artist" Ashlee Simpson fun to watch.) Seriously, though, the girl needs to wake up and take care of herself. Does she not realize how gross she is? She was just on some VH1 special the other day, in some footage from 2002 or so, and she looked great! Someone needs to give her a kick in the ass and tell her there is no excuse for this. Especially the black bra and the backless white shirt. Sometimes I feel like I need to get on the crack that some people are on. 'Cause damn.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Serenity Viewing Countdown

At long last, Serenity has arrived via Netflix. I know, I know, it was weeks ago that I was obsessed with Firefly. It must seem unbelievable that I have held off on watching it. But then the end of the semester intervened, and we stuck Serenity a little ways down the queue so as not to burn through the Firefly craze all at once. Only now that it is here, I am itching to watch it, because I really really want to see it. This is the kind of sci fi that I love: sarcastic, funny, adventurous, and populated with lovable underdogs. Eeeeeeeeee. Tonight. Wait for tonight.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

New Orleans Mayoral Election Redux

This afternoon we will trek to vote for the second time, each to our own place of polling. (Mine is four blocks one way, and Mike's is four blocks the other way. Go figure.) I think we're both voting for Landrieu. Though we are both tempted to vote for whoever sent us less annoying junk mail. Seriously, yesterday we got about 30 pieces of political mail. It just cascaded through the mail slot, and then when we went to get groceries, we discovered that the Republicans had left fliers on my car. Oy. I do not think Nagin has necessarily done a bad job, but I do think some fresh blood-- with political connections-- can hopefully jump start the process here.

New York Times and Times Picayune with coverage.

And now I must go, because, unbelievably enough, we have Sabres vs. Hurricanes in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals appearing on our very own TV in our very own apartment in Louisiana. And when the cable gods and the hockey gods align, it is not to be questioned.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Gratuitous Jolee Photo of the Day

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Thirteen Reasons I Will Probably Buy Star Wars Again on DVD

This September the original versions of the first three Star Wars movies will be released on DVD. Mike likes the new ones and believes that George Lucas is the artist and therefore should be able to say that the special edition is the definitive version. I disagree. But I do think suckering people into buying Star Wars on DVD twice is what he had in mind all along.

1. Greedo does not shoot first. I know Lucas got old and had kids and wanted Star Wars to be prettier, but no. Just no. This is the viewer's first opportunity to see what kind of guy Han Solo is. He lounges at the table, mouths off, shoots Greedo under the table with the gun he's slowly pulled throughout the conversation, flips some credits to the bartenders, and goes, "Sorry about the mess." That is just the guy he is, and we loved him for it.

2. I liked the explosion of the Death Star without the big ring around it. Just think about it, logically-- if it really blew up with a whole ring of energy bursting out from it, wouldn't it seem that much more unlikely that those x-wings who are 50 feet away get out of there alive? Wouldn't they instead be knocked on their asses?

3. "You were lucky to get out of there." My brother and I, having watched all three Star Wars movies pretty much every weekend in a row when we were kids, know every single line. I could prove it to you by typing the entire opening crawl from Return of the Jedi out of my head, but I won't subject you. Just believe me. This is why we notice things that are not apparent to the casual viewer, such as how, in the special edition Empire Strikes Back, Luke says the above line to Artoo when he gets spit out by the whale thing on Dagobah instead of, "You're lucky you don't taste very good." I am sure there is a technical reason for this, like that they couldn't digitally remaster the original shot because it was corrupted or something, so they used an alternate take. But it's still dumb.

4. Ditto the part where Han Solo is hanging upside down over the Sarlacc pit and he says something different to Lando. Instead of "It's all right, trust me!" Han inexplicably says, "It's all right, I can see a lot better." OK, honestly. This type of pointless dialogue change confuses the kiddies who are reciting along at home. Also, the "trust me" always seemed particularly fitting there because it echoes Lando's dialogue at the end of the previous film.

5. Old Darth Vader. The poor guy. I don't want freakin' Hayden Christenson's whiny Anakin face standing next to Obi Wan and Yoda in the blue glow at the end. Give us old Darth Vader back.

6. The fans demand the Max Rebo band! Why did he get replaced by something stupider and faker looking? I mean, here is the problem with CGI in a nutshell: how can anything be stupider and faker looking than a BLUE NYLON ELEPHANT? If the new "band" looks fake compared to Max Rebo's blue nylon elephant suit, we've got issues.

7. I hate the new song they play too. I mean, I really hate it.

8. I figure I might as well list this separately from the CGI band and the lame song, because I hate it so much: I hate the part where we zoom in close and the singer's lips and tonsils take up the entire screen. Are we in Star Wars or a cartoon?

9. The Sarlacc's extra snaky tongues. Bleah.

10. Those dinosaurs in Mos Eisley. I hate them. I thought the point was that Tattooine was a desolate place, not one filled with bizarre creatures upon whom poop jokes are based in the prequels (don't get me started). I don't get the argument that Lucas didn't have the technology to put more creatures in before, so he added them to make it look the way he originally wanted it to look. Star Wars had a nicely spare style to it. If he wanted creatures, why not add some banthas? Banthas are so peaceful and chill.

11. The Ewok song. Sure, it was lame lame lame. But dammit, it was what we had so we got used to it, and we clung to its lameness, and now it is gone! Why oh why the Ewok song? Not only is the new music just blah, the scene where the Ewoks play the drums with the stormtrooper helmets in tune with their music now looks utterly stupid because there is no music. The lack of the Ewok music literally ruins the end of Star Wars for me. Thanks, Lucas.

12. The special editions destroyed my childhood.

13. I am a huge sucker.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Back in Business

Sweetie gets a law degree! And a funny velvety hat! And there was much rejoicing. Except by Sarah, who was disgruntled by the fact that the internet was out for FIVE entire days but too busy to do anything about it. Just kidding, I rejoiced too. There were some sketchy moments (Mike cut his leg open with a knife, construction next door began at 6:30 AM each day and drove me onto the living room couch to get some sleep, the Mexican working in our basement turned off the power to our fridge and then left for the day, my cat was pissed at me and chewed up a bag of bread and strewed it across the kitchen), but it was a good weekend with some good dinners. (I had The Most Amazing Thing Ever (TM) at Bacco in the quarter Saturday night. Supposedly it was oyster and artichoke au gratin something or other, but we'll just call it The Most Amazing Thing Ever. It was followed by the Most Amazing Pasta Ever, the leftovers of which I just finished. Yum. But I think next time I will forego the entree and just get three Amazing Things.)

It has yet to sink in that our friends are moving away and not coming back. We did inherit all their meat and beer... but we will still miss them. It will be interesting to see how our social lives play out this summer. The general Tulane graduation ceremony was pretty cool-- we got to see Presidents Bush (old Bush) and Clinton speak, and then at the end Ellen Degeneres spontaneously made an appearance onstage in a bathrobe, which was awesome. It was one of the least boring graduations I've attended. And we got a Commencement 2006 bead. Only in New Orleans! The law school graduation was, I think, a little less exciting, but the gin and tonic I brought in a go-cup helped.

Now I hope you will excuse me while I go stare at my shiny 4.0 GPA for this semester. Cheers!

(Traumatized by Mike's family in the house, construction in the basement, and the nail gun being used on the next door neighbors' roof, Jolee spends graduation weekend shooting me dirty betrayed looks from under the bed.)

Friday, May 12, 2006

Mike's parents got here today, and we've been having a really busy graduation week-- in which it is finally setting in that our friends are actually going to pack up and leave. As in, this weekend. This means that everyone is giving us their meat and beer, but it also means the people we like are scattering to far parts of the U.S. and we are sad. But sometimes, even in the busiest and most poignant of times, nitwittery abounds, as the inestimable Miss Snark would say. Therefore, I take a moment to present Tip #3:

Do not leave a $0.90 tip on a $92 check. I could maybe maybe see why you might do this if you were paying in cash (in the vague sort of way that I can maybe maybe see what it is like to live on Pluto, but I can, you know, almost conceptualize it)... but seriously. Writing in $0.90 on a credit card slip will only guarantee that the entire staff of the restaurant you just left is now hanging around the service bar laughing at you. How utterly bizarre. Why not just leave it blank? What would even come over a person to cause them to WRITE IN CHANGE on a credit card slip and sign it? There is a place right up the street where your special asses can dine: it's called the McDonald's dollar menu.

Monday, May 8, 2006

All Right, Cat

Jolee, how many times will I have to tell you: WE DO NOT CHEW ON THE COACH BAG. I think we need to get this straight once and for all. Under no circumstances do we chew on the Coach bag. Even though it has a handy dandy chewy dangly leather tag hanging off the handle, even though it was a superb deal at the Portland outlet store and therefore we didn't pay much for it, we do not chew on the Coach bag.

Got it?

Thanks.

P.S. We don't chew on Sweetie's Ipod or phone charger either.

Done! Done at Last!

I have been absent for several days from the internet world (Horrors! Anyone who knows me will be well aware that I can't live without IM and the web). But now I'm back, and delighted to report that I am DONE with all my papers for the semester. It feels wonderful not to have anything hanging over my head... and to be able to write without feeling guilty that I should be doing something else. Farewell, grad school. Due to the fact that none of my classes are being offered this summer, I guess I'll be seeing you in the fall. Hello, novel. I hope this time away from you will not give me the revelation that you suck.

But first-- we all know what it's time for: a bout of total and unabashed uselessness. For me, this has meant lapsing into hours of delicious Knights of the Old Republic II fun. Oh, Game, I missed you. Actually, it's getting a bit boring playing over and over again, so I finally summoned up the steel, downloaded this mod, and am playing as an evil Sith lord. I've had an amusing problem with this in the past, namely that I apparently am too moral to play on the Dark Side. Actually, the problem is that to be on the Dark Side you have to be kind of a bully, like beating up random people and taking their credits. I have a problem with this aspect of The Game because, honestly, if you were an all-powerful Sith lord, would you really bother? Then the people in your party act all disappointed in you and you feel bad... and, well, I have abandoned two previous games because of this. My character's name is Niax Sunrider, and as further incentive to be evil, her cool face tattoos appear gradually as she descends deeper into the Dark Side.

For those of you unfamiliar with computer games, mods are cool to play around with because they change up the game a bit. They are modifications made by fans and available on the internet which allow you more options for the appearance of your character and other cool stuff. I discovered them after I finished playing through KOTOR I and immediately wanted to start again... this time as a new character. I didn't much like any of the female faces, except the one I had picked the first time around. And I thought it would be nice if you could play as a non-human. Imagine the ultra-coolness of being a twi'lek in a very short skirt! (I use the character with the purple skin, though.) Ordinarily, I would have a problem with the unrealistic idea of female video game characters fighting battles in a midriff and leg-baring outfit, but whatever. I'm a Jedi. I can throw people across the room with my mind.

Sigh. I love KOTOR. It is a completely irrational love. I am so not a gaming person. But there is something that entrances me about being able to be IN Star Wars. It's pretty much every childhood dream come true. And I will probably play over and over again until KOTOR 3 comes out (Dear George Lucas, let there be KOTOR 3! Still yours respectfully, even though I pretend your prequels don't exist, Sarah).

Thursday, May 4, 2006

Sarah Presents...

This is going to be a periodic... feature, if you will, that I am adding to this blog as a Public Service. I've blogged on this topic before, but I decided it needed a graphic (inspired by my gurus Stacy and Clinton). These things actually happen, people. I am not making this up. So without further ado, I present What Not To Do In A Restaurant: Tip #2.

Do not circle your server's name on the credit card slip and write "Great Job!" in lieu of a tip.

I admit I'm still baffled by this one, and it happened last night. This table was so pleasant and classy that my co-workers commented on it. They addressed me by name. Their bill was $194. 15% would have been $29-30 (this is printed on the check). They left $20, which is 9%. Being a person who overanalyzes things, I ran through the options in my head. Could it have been sarcasm? Maybe they only had $215 left in their account? Did they need reading glasses? Were they hiding behind a pillar laughing at me while I surreptitiously checked under the table in confusion to make sure another twenty hadn't fallen? Do I look like the sort of person who expects her payment to arrive in the form of smiley face notes? I suppose there is always crack. I wonder if it could have been crack.

Thirteen Things I Am Looking Forward to This Summer

1. Lying in the sun, in perhaps a new bikini.

2. Ooh! A new bikini! But wait, I already have five...

3. No classes.

4. Picking up 2 more shifts at work = more $$$ for Sarah.

5. Hanging out with my law-school-free sweetie!

6. Going to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since I have lived in Louisiana, and that is really criminal considering how close a drive it is.

7. Finishing the final version of my novel.

8. Sending my novel off to agents.

9. Having drinks on balconies.

10. Swimming pools.

11. Seeing my high school friends at Maria's wedding.

12. New nail polish for my toes in a bright summery color, maybe a nice coral.

13. Sshhhh... secretly resuming my newfound video game habit.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Comments Yoda: 'Good at Letting Things Go I Am Not'

'Opal Mehta' Won't Get A Life After All. It appears multiple authors and works were plagiarized.

No comment.

No, I will NOT Work Lunch

So last weekend, Mike finished his third exam, which meant there was only one take-home final standing between him and lawyerdom (well, and the bar exam). To celebrate, we went out to lunch at Nacho Mama's, where we sat at a sidewalk table and had chicken enchiladas and drinks in the blazing New Orleans spring sun. Lo and behold, the phone rings. It's my manager, wanting to figure out everyone's schedule for the summer. I said I still had class this week through Saturday, could we do it next week? He said, why don't we do it now and it won't start till next Monday? Despite my current occupation of sitting on a crowded section of Magazine Street having a Corona, I said OK, and we added a couple of lunch shifts and one dreaded double until I had a schedule I thought I could deal with... with the caveat that it won't start until I'm done with finals week. Not that I have finals, but I have projects and papers that need to get written.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I am racing around to get materials to make the previously blogged artistic project, and I find I have a message from work asking why I'm not there, because I'm on the schedule for Tuesday lunch. Argh. OK. So I call, and say I thought we got it straight that my summer schedule does not start till next week. They say, fine, everyone's confused, it's OK. Until this morning, when sure enough I receive another call-- "You're working lunch today, right?" I explained the deal, said I'm still really busy with school, and I thought we said not to put me on the schedule for Tuesday and Wednesday until next week. Seriously, these internet outages have put me way behind schedule, since the classes I still need to work on are online classes. "So... can you work today? Maybe come in later?"

Yes. At 4:30. Like I do every Wednesday. Tough.

The most absurd thing about this whole misunderstanding is I caught myself actually feeling bad about not being able to work. I find myself obligingly saying, "Oh well, maybe--" Wait, am I crazy? It is physically impossible for me to work a double today and get my papers written and posted on time. I do not know what people-pleasing vibe comes over me when they ask me to work more, but luckily it recedes in 15 seconds. I fear I am one of those people who has a hard time saying no.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Fun With Art!

Why I'm glad I switched grad programs from the law to teaching: I get credit for spending my afternoon up to my elbows in paint and paste creating final projects such as this.

Wouldn't it be cool?

Wouldn't it be cool if Cox(uckers) was able to go through an entire day with no outages? Wouldn't it be cool if I had an online class for which I was actually able to post work (in finals week, no less)? Wouldn't it be cool if I had a blog which I was actually able to update?

I ask you, wouldn't it?

While we're on this tack, wouldn't it be cool if people were more concerned about this than the Saints' draft pick? 'Cause the lack of pumps sounds a bit ominous to me, when we consider that the storm that made my ceiling collapse last summer was the first week of July, and it is now the first week of May.

Why not end this post on a positive note, though? Yesterday I stopped in at the Planned Parenthood, and I just want to throw them a shout out. They provide much needed services, and they do it efficiently and nicely. One of the most efficient appointments I've had in New Orleans in fact. In these days of Bushism, it was refreshing to go and bask in their pleasant pro-choice vibe.