I Need a Weekend... And Drugs

In case I wasn't already having a fabulous enough month, tonight my arm started to hurt from the elbow to the pinkie, and then went numb.

Joy.

You Have No Idea

Seriously. No idea what we just went through.

So I am sure I have mentioned approximately 60 times that my cat Jolee is a polydactyl. Which means he has 7-8 toes on his front feet. (I say 7-8 because, well, they're sort of hidden in long straggly fur and I'm not sure I've even seen this alleged eighth toe my vet says he found.) I was told the last time I went that I need to clip his toenails so they don't get ingrown. I said, "OK, sure, OK." I am all about my cat's health, because he is my Floofer and I love him very much.

But yeah right. He doesn't sit on laps, he barely tolerates being picked up, and there is no WAY he would ever let me near him with nail clippers. We are talking about a cat who freaks out when a letter falls through the mail slot. But I figured, hey, he has a scratching post, and I manage to grab his paws every once in awhile while he's sleepy to make sure everything's OK in there... until the other night, when I realized he has a nail possibly embedded in his paw that is roughly the length of my big toenail. Seriously, this thing is an inch long. It's on one of his "fake" toes that hangs out between his regular cat toes and his "thumb" toes. It is huge and curved and it might or might not have grown into the pad of his foot. He's not limping, and he doesn't seem to be in pain. I thought I could feel the edge of it, and I wanted to get a better look and maybe have a go at it with the nail clippers.

So we hatched a plan. Jolee has this thing where he has to come running whenever I am on the toilet. Don't ask me how he knows I'm on the toilet. He just does. So during halftime of the Saints game, I went in the bathroom. What was supposed to happen was that Mike was going to sneak up nonchalantly and come join me in the bathroom, at which point he would shut the door, trapping the cat. Then we were going to get him with a towel and I would try to clip the giant toenail.

Well. Jolee was traipsing across the threshold, when he somehow sensed Mike getting off the couch all the way out in the living room. I swear, he must be smarter than I give him credit for, but he bolted. Mike shut all the doors so he had nowhere to go but the kitchen. Then the howl of death started. (If you have a Siamese-ish cat or a generally loud cat, you know this howl.) At this point it is important to note that no one had even approached him, so I don't know how he came to the conclusion that we had murder in our hearts. He charged at the LATCHED BEDROOM DOOR with his head, and headbutted it open. Then we tried to chase him out from under the bed. This lasted about 20 minutes. There was much sweat, and white fur clumps were flying. He was hissing and yowling and doing his open-mouthed hyperventilating thing.

When we finally managed to squish him in the bathroom and restrain him with a towel, he peed on the floor in panic. I checked out the paw, only to conclude that, if the nail wasn't already growing into the pad, there was no space to get the clippers in between and cut the nail anyway. I'm going to have to take him to the vet to have this thing expensively removed. On the good side, it's not hurting him, so I'm just going to lull him into a sense of false safety by waiting till Saturday morning. I feel awful that I never saw or felt this huge nail, and I feel like a huge wimp that I can't cut my cat's toenails myself, but at this point I'm afraid if I tried, it would bleed all over the place.

Why do I have to have the world's most high-maintenance cat???

He has rejoined us in the living room, but is currently sulking under the futon, resenting me because I "made" him pee on his own tail. He is very vain about his tail.

Prince Caspian Trailer

My opinion?

Eh.

Reeks of NFTTB to me (Not Faithful to the Book). Tell me all you want about books not translating well to the screen and the need for changes blah blah blah, I don't really care. I don't support this whole "Americans won't see this movie... what it really needs is a completely superfluous yawner of a fight scene! That's IT!" strategy of moviemaking. Strangely, I found I enjoyed the first Narnia movie less than the old junky BBC version from the 80's.

Story of the Week!

Via the New York Times: A Razor-Sharp Focus Trumps Uncertainty

PORT SULPHUR, La., Dec. 4 — The smell of gasoline fills the ruined gym each evening as a generator sputters to life. A string of bulbs provides thin lighting above the weight-lifting equipment that sits on a warped and abandoned basketball court. A makeshift dressing area for the South Plaquemines High football team spreads beneath one backboard, where floodwaters from Hurricane Katrina rose above the rim, 10 feet off the floor.

...There will be plenty of bright lights and varmint-free locker space Saturday when South Plaquemines (12-2) plays for a Class 1A state championship in the Superdome, 45 miles north in New Orleans, completing a remarkable season of perseverance and indomitable spirit.

And they had the whole town lining the highway to see them off, and a full police escort with sirens blaring all the way up to the Superdome. They passed me on my way home from work. I honked!

Got My Neck Cracked Today

For the first time since my accident. I think it's OK, but I have been warned it might be stiff or sore tomorrow. I don't know. I'm falling asleep. All I do these days is fall asleep. Yesterday (?) I came home, was reading on the couch at 5:00, decided to take a short nap, woke up at 7:00, ate dinner and watched a couple of Sports Night on DVD, decided to take another nap, woke up at 10:00, hung out for an hour, then went to actual bed. You would think that since I did NOTHING BUT SLEEP yesterday I would not be tired tonight. But no. I'm falling asleep.

So. Off to bed again. I'm on drugs. I'm supremely useless.

Stuff, Stuff...

• My new car is bluer than yours. I can say this confidently, because I am quite sure it's bluer than any car that was ever blue. You'll see, when I post pictures.


• I think everyone who possesses the remotest smidgen of humanist/liberal/open-minded sentiments should go see The Golden Compass on opening weekend, just to counteract the predictable B.S. coming from the religious right. We are.


• Last night we were at the best basketball game I've ever seen. Not that I had seen much basketball before we got Hornets season tickets, but it was a great game. They got the ball to Peja and tied it up with seconds left, then plowed over Dallas in OT. Too bad most of New Orleans was still drunk from the LSU game and missed it.


• Speaking of which, they are trying to drag out the BCS football selection thing on TV, and it is totally lame. Seeing as the internet already beat them to it. NOT that I care whatsoever about college football, but I happened to be on Nola.com and they had the news about LSU hours ago. When will people realize that TV is obsolete?


• In other news, I've bought a new domain and am putting the finishing touches on what will become the new home of this blog. But I'm not moving until it's all ready. And I promise to write more. My life is slooooowwwly coming back under control. I hope.