I Have No Food

Days Since Mike Left For New York: 1
Status: Holding down the fort.
Location: The fort.
Provisions: Low. Must ration goods.
Neatness of fort: Suspect. Very suspect.
Hot Pockets: 0
Canned Soups: 0
Meals in a Bag: 0
Frozen Pizzas: 0
Beers: 14 (status good)
Trips to Roly Poly: 1
Feline Companion: Apathetic. Feline has full complement of rations.
Days Till Mike Returns From New York: 2
Prognosis: Must send out expedition soon for food and supplies.

I am an army of one and this is my fort.

You may well ask, how does the neatness of the fort go from "good" to "suspect" in one mere day? To which I reply, "Heh. You obviously don't know me."