Who Doesn't Like Cats?

I am sitting on the living room couch, with the feline companion reclining on a cushion beside my head. The late afternoon light is hitting his fur in a way that makes him magically appear full of colors-- brown, white, yellow, and beige. I stroke his fur and a purr rumbles up from inside him. He is so companionable. I don't understand people who don't want cats-- tons and tons of cats, with coats of many colors, draped across all your furniture.

Dogs smell nasty. Jolee has enough fur to clothe the residents of a small European country, yet he manages to always smell nice. (Is it creepy that I think he would be so nice as an angora sweater? What's angora? Isn't that rabbits? His fur is so downy and soft-- I feel like it is a waste to throw it in the trash. I feel like I ought to be spinning it into yarn and knitting things out of the bits of Jolee I find strewn about the carpet. But maybe that's creepy.)

Cats are independent. OK, mine is kind of a brat, but generally a likable characteristic of cats is that they are very chill. They mind their own business, and they don't mind being rude about it. Sometimes I could swear, for instance, Jolee is rude to Mike on purpose. Like the other night we were cuddling on our bed and he had his arm around me, and he got up to go to the bathroom. Jolee immediately hopped up and curled himself into my armpit in the exact warm spot where Mike had been. He arranged himself into a round ball and stared challengingly at the doorway. Mike comes back through the door and flips out. "STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PLACE! DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO! ASSHOLE!"

Hee.

Mike says it's not that he hates cats. He's just generally indifferent to them. This is so weird to me, since I've always had them and always doted on them. Cats can tell, too. They like me. Unfriendly cats will come to me if I'm patient enough. I am the cat whisperer. Ha. But Mike says he doesn't care if we get another cat. Doesn't care if we don't, either. (Fine. This is not what he actually said. What he actually said two nights ago was, "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill Jolee. But don't worry, sweetie. If I kill him, you can go get two whole new cats, OK?") He says he doesn't necessarily dislike Jolee, but Jolee dislikes him. I can't argue with that. It's pretty much true. I am starting to think the cat is diabolical and is just toying with him.

But he can't be that smart... can he?