To the Maaaaaaaall
A conversation between me and my friend Darwin last week:
Me: Friday was my day off, and I didn't get to do ANYTHING. All I wanted out of life was to buy a new bag for winter. I realized I hate all my bags.
Darwin: Then clearly you need to go shopping.
Me: The problem is, I like all my summer bags but I hate all my winter ones.
Darwin: So? Why didn't you buy one?
Me: I couldn't!
Darwin: Why not?
Me: We had no water! I had not showered since Tuesday night, and I couldn't even brush my teeth. I couldn't do anything. It was like I was paralyzed. I could not do anything besides sit on the couch and watch Star Trek reruns on Spike TV, because I was just TOO DIRTY.
Darwin: Oh, sweetie. You should have just gone anyway. Screw them.
Me: I thought of that. But I wanted to go to the Coach store. And I just knew they would look at me like, "There is no way a person that greasy can afford to pay $100 for a bag." And it would be just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. And so I couldn't go.
Darwin: [laughter]
Me: I can handle a lot of things, but I cannot handle being thrown out of the Coach store because they think I am homeless.
Darwin: [more laughter]
And so another week passes, and I happen to have just taken a shower. So I am going FINALLY to buy a new bag. Preferably a nice neutral-colored leather one that works well with both black and brown, such as dark red, gray, or tan. And one large enough to hold all my junk, but not so large that I feel like I am schlepping around with this giant thing hanging off my shoulder. And something that is not trendy, because my current bag (which has a semi-broken strap) is one I received for Christmas at least four years ago. I am a shopaholic about some things, but clearly bags are not one of those things.
Plus while I am at the mall I'm going to the GNC to pick up some all-natural drugs for my Joleeest... Joleest... Joliest... Jolee-est... oh, fine, Kittiest (some nicknames do not translate well into type). I am going to try Rescue Remedy so he doesn't turn into a reclusive shedding furball of panic when my family arrives. Which is starting Tuesday! YAY!
5 comments:
That's why I shop at Target...I can show up in my pajamas!
Bags.. I am such a bag whore is it not even funny. There are photos of me when I was 7 years old, schelepping around an adult-sized purse at Disney World...
My excuse: I was born this way.
Good luck on your quest for the perfect winter bag! I still have not found it, yet, but that doesn't mean I don't have fun looking!
Yes, Rescue Remedy is pretty good stuff! Also try some essential oils. Lavender is calming for pets, just like it is for people. Good luck!
I love that scene from Julia Roberts. Not THAT one, the one where she goes back, "Big mistake. Big. Huge."
That's why I love internet shopping.
One of my favorite scenes EVER.
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