Thirteen Pet Peeves of Mine

1. Men in sleeveless shirts. I was shocked by how many men on my flights last weekend were dressed like this. On planes! With their meaty arms and their bushy armpit hair just... out there! I saw them get on the plane and shuddered. I knew for certain that if one of them sat next to me I would start twitching and spontaneously die from the grossness. I just knew.

2. Chat speak. "Ur" and "rly" are NOT LONG WORDS. Do not abbreviate in this ass-backwards fashion![!!!!11111!!!] To IM with some people, I swear it's like you need to understand another language. Oh, and "teh" as internet slang typed that way on purpose. It makes me want to combust.

3. Nigerian scammers. These people send me lots of e-mail. Sometimes I get mad and reply. In fact, here is an awesome link. It's a site that gives instructions on how to scam the scammers at their own game.

4. Guys who post pictures of themselves leaning on their car at Craigslist or on internet dating sites. When will someone tell them this does not attract women, and is almost surely a sign of compensating for a small penis?

5. Girls who wear clothing that is too little. I am a little girl. But even I have tried on items of clothing that give me, let us say, bulges in unsightly places. Whatever, we all have curves. When this happens, I do what I used to assume was the normal thing and a) wear a shirt that comes down over the unsightly area, or b) don't wear the item out of the house. Tulane undergrads in particular seem to have this assumption that everyone on the street wants to see their flesh. We do not. Do us all a favor and confine those teeny clothes to where they belong: the bar.

6. "Your" and "you're." I am getting certified in Middle School Language Arts so as to drill grammar into the heads of the next generation.

7. Oh, fine. While we're at it, "their" and "they're."

8. When random people try to talk to me on the street or in bars, and then get offended and yell at me when I ignore them. OK, if I do not know you, it is my prerogative to decide whether I acknowledge you or not. This happens in New Orleans a lot, or it used to when there were more people wandering about before Katrina. I once had a guy follow me around the Quarter and repeatedly harass me for change while I was on the phone with my mom. I finally had to go into a hotel lobby. What made you think I was more likely to give you change after you pissed me off? This goes for men in bars, too. Maybe I'm old-fashioned and I long for the days of Victorianism where you couldn't talk to someone unless you were properly "introduced." (I love how I lump obnoxious guys in bars into the same category as homeless people.)

9. Being touched by people I don't know very well. I know some people are naturally more touchy-feely than others, but they need to consider that they might be making others uncomfortable.

10. When people use words that aren't words. Like "irregardless."

11. Referring to people as having their collars "popped." There is nothing wrong with wearing your collar up. It has a long and glorious history (well, OK, it has the 80's). On occasion even I have worn the collar of my shirt up, in the grand St. Lawrence tradition... Until it became trendy to call this "popping your collar." This phrase is the cause of inexplicable rage in me, and really, I've never been able to wear my collar up since. Because it sounds SO STUPID.

12. When they don't have enough baggers at the Winn Dixie, and you have to bag your own groceries. This in itself is not a problem. It's not as if I think I'm too good to bag my own groceries. What kills me is when the cashier gives me dirty looks because my bagging isn't keeping up with her scanning. So sue me if I do not bag groceries for a living and am also somewhat of a klutz. If your store is too cheap to hire more people, then you will just have to wait POLITELY while I bag at my own pace. And refrain from the dirty looks.

13. Poor customer service. I really don't know why I bother to live in New Orleans if this bothers me. This is a city famous for its impeccable standards in the hospitality industry... but you will pretty much get the dregs of the earth anywhere outside a restaurant. Like last Friday I went to Rite Aid and came up to the counter with one bottle of nail polish. I was the only one in line and the girl was on the phone. Instead of hanging UP the phone, she rings my nail polish while continuing to chat, then goes, "$2.30." So I hand her $2.30. She takes the money. Then she stares at me. Finally she says (still on the phone), "It's three dollars and fifteen cents. You gave me two dollars and thirty cents." I said, "I'm sorry, I thought you said $2.30." By this time there was a woman behind me, who chimes in, "I heard $2.30 too." Come to realize she was TELLING HER FRIEND ON THE PHONE THAT SHE GOT OFF WORK AT 2:30. Speechless.

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