Why You Should Never Tempt Fate And Buy a New Car

I knew if I bought a new car I would get in an accident. I don't know how I knew this. I certainly have never been in an accident in my life. There is really no explanation for why I felt this way. It's negative and fatalistic. Not to mention statistically unlikely.

But I WAS RIGHT! SEE? MY TEN DAY OLD CAR WITH THE DRIVER'S SIDE SQUISHED IN? IS THERE SOME DEITY UP THERE WHO LOVES TO SHIT ON ME? Because, yeah. I was coming down Elysian Fields minding my own business (extremely happy, after having been at UNO finally getting my financial aid straightened out) and a lady pulled out of the neutral ground RIGHT into me. I then jumped the curb, slammed on the brakes, and slid 30 feet through the mud on the neutral ground, where I came to rest, listening to the hiss of the air leaving my destroyed rear tire and thinking, "Of course." OK, in perspective, as in 4 hours later, it is not that bad. I mean, it's not totalled. And I wasn't at fault, which means State Farm is probably going to pay for it. And the side airbag didn't go off and whack me in the arm and break my wrist. But the car was ON THE LOT last Saturday! And now I have-- not one, but two-- count them-- two undriveable cars parked outside my house. I'm like that old guy who collects the hulks of beat-ass cars, who all the neighbors hate.


I firmly maintain that if I'd bought an old crappy car this would not have happened. Mike disagrees; he thinks that if I'd been driving Brad the remaining glass would have gone and I'd be dead or at least in the ER very cut up.... eh, he might have a point. But! I did cut my toes. They were bleeding at the scene. Strangely, both Progressive and State Farm seemed peculiarly interested in this fact. "Wait, you have an injury on your toes?" What, don't people drive in flip flops? Whatever. I need my lawyer.